Dear Nina,
I have a little problem.
I have been seeing this guy for about three weeks now, and we were getting along famously. Or, so I thought. I had made plans one night to do many great things. However he cancelled ten minutes before he was supposed to meet me. Hears the kicker – he called and left a message on my cell when he knew I wouldn’t be able to answer. It didn’t bother me that he cancelled, but it pissed me off that I didn’t get an explanation of why he was cancelling. If that wasn’t enough, I didn’t hear from the boy for two days. When I did hear from him, and made plans to see him, he did the same damn thing. What do you think I should I do.
Trouble in Paradise
Dear Trouble
Well, I truly believe that you yourself know the answer, and maybe aren’t willing to accept it. But that is what I am here for. So here we go. Your friend may be fabulous, but apparently he’s not as committed to the fabulous between you and he.
It sounds to me like you were PUT OFF, and I can understand the frustration. But thems the breaks my dear. You may have seen this as something more than it was. The question I have is "Was he really yours to have, or were you a pit stop in time?" We all want what we can’t have, so take it for what it is and move on. When or if he should call, be blunt and don’t be afraid to say, "Hey what the hell is going on with you?"
You may need to redefine your selection process. It sounds like perhaps you are jumping into a pool with no water in it. And, my dear, no matter how many times you jump in, it’s still going to hurt. The moral of the story is look before you jump.
Nina
Hello Nina,
I have been with my girlfriend for nine months. We both love each other and don’t want to lose each other. I have totally lost my sex drive and don’t know what to do. She has a very high sex drive and says she wants it every day. She gets mad at me every day, and threatens to cheat on me. (She has not cheated. And, I don’t think she will, but who knows.) I have gone to the doctor, and we are not done with the tests. We have sex, but it’s like a week or more apart each time we do. I’m losing my mind with all the nagging and yelling. And all the other pressures she puts on me. I wish she would relax until I figured out what was wrong, but she wants it NOW. I just don’t know how to deal with her any more, but I don’t want to lose her. HELP!!!!
Losing my Mind
Dear Losing my Mind,
It is not uncommon for gay relationships, or any for that fact, to reach the point to which I like to call "the transitional stage." This can be extremely difficult when you are ready to move to the next level, and your partner is still in the honeymoon phase.
You have taken the right steps to finding a solution. But has you partner looked for a solution herself, or are you supposed to fix this alone? If the answer is "you are to fix this alone," may I remind you relationships are a two way street. So maybe you aren’t the problem. Try couple’s counselling. She may listen better when the words aren’t coming from you, but from a trained professional. Keep me posted, as I am always interested to see how these things turn out.
Yours truly,
Nina
P.S. To the girlfriend: Lighten up. You will find sex with no pressure way more pleasurable, unless you are a dominatrix – in which case you should tell your girlfriend.
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Contributor Nina Tron |
Topic Ask Nina | Advice |
