First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby and the baby carriage. A cliché for sure, but in our case it couldn’t be more true, even though it took over two decades. That’s right, after living together as a couple for twenty-two years, dinosaurs in the gay community dahlings; my husband and I became first time fathers in July 2013. It has been the most exhilarating, and exhausting, time of my life, and curiously has me waxing nostalgic about just how far the LGBT community has come in recent years and all the ways we now build our families with intention. Let’s face it, there aren’t too many ‘accidental’ children in our community - I’d have a house full if it was that easy.

For years my husband and I talked about having kids, but like many couples, straight and gay, there were numerous discussions ending with even more excuses to kick that can down the road. We both traveled for work and were living a lifestyle in our twenties and thirties that didn’t have much room for kids. Dragging a toddler around at the White Party in Ft. Lauderdale or the pool of the Atlantic Shores in Key West would’ve been de rigueur, no?

It didn’t help that we also lived in my home state of Florida where marriage equality is still being hard fought against by a myriad of so called ‘compassionate conservatives’ and ‘teavangelical types’. Adoption and surrogacy were expensive and at the time had way too many unresolved legal questions. Even fostering was an actual crime therefore our options were limited because we happened to be born gay. So, being a pragmatic couple, we put our dream of being parents on a really high shelf, accepting that our window of opportunity had unfortunately passed and took comfort in the knowledge that at least we were committed to each other for the long haul.

Then in 2004, my husband Greg, having grown up in a large family in Saskatchewan, started talking about moving back to Canada. He wanted to be closer to our whole family and an ever growing list of nieces and nephews. Looking back now, I’m sure in some way that was a substitute for not having our own kids and when marriage equality became the law of the Canadian land in 2005, we didn’t hesitate to take that stroll down the aisle.

Our wedding couldn’t have been more traditional if we tried: a small intimate affair, with just immediate family, hosted at my mother and father in law’s home. It was beautiful in its simplicity. Two people openly expressing their love and commitment in front of their loved ones; it still gives me goose bumps. Why is this important you might ask? Well, because when I came out back in the 1980s, it was considered the norm for us queer boys and girls to literally party like it was 1999, as commanded by Prince. I lived in one of San Francisco’s most famous gay ghettos, and saw firsthand the destruction that AIDS wrought on an entire generation of my brothers. We were constantly bombarded with the message that queers were different than ‘normal’ people and as such should keep to ourselves. Marriage Equality wasn’t even on the radar yet... and having kids? Society just wasn’t ready for it. For me personally, that’s what makes being a parent now even more special, because most of society is waking up to the fact that we do deserve a place at the table and won’t tolerate hiding in the shadows any longer.

In the coming months I’ll be sharing our family’s personal experiences starting with the rather nontraditional way we became fathers to a beautiful baby boy; the surprising statistics about the gay men and women who are becoming parents and the various options we now have including adoption, family courts, foster care, and surrogacy; how gay families can combat stereotypes of the past and deal with homophobia from teachers, coaches, doctors, and other families; getting started with the foster care system and how it can help our community to be viewed as heroes, as well as help kids in need; how to build networks in our own communities with social media and the latest in scientific research about the psychological impact of kids raised by same sex parents and how we differ in some really good ways from mainstream society.

I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences. Email me your thoughts and questions at parentingproud@gmail.com and check out these groups for more information and support.