Now I have nothing against the recent invasion of queer-fear indies like Hellbent, Socket, The Gay Bed & Breakfast of Terror, Creatures From The Pink Lagoon and Make A Wish, but if you’re like me and enjoy your horror with a little more irony and a lot more innuendo than I humbly recommend some of my frightful faves.

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)
The creative team behind the film swore there was never a hidden gay agenda when making this sequel to the popular Wes Craven original, although watching it through a lavender lens one can’t help but wonder how they couldn’t have known they were making the gayest horror movie of all time. This time around, the main character Jesse (played by out actor Mark Patton) is a young man who moves into the house originally occupied by the previous film’s lead character Nancy and begins to have sweat-drenched nightmares of Freddy Krueger trying to possess him to further carry out his dirty work. Yes that’s right; Jesse is having wet dreams about a man trying to get inside his body.
The viewer is treated to Jesse unpacking a phallic-like wooden device (possibly a croquet tee?) which he uses as a microphone to sing along to his favourite 80s band while jumping on the bed and then pumping it crotch-level with the avid enthusiasm of a Marine’s first day in Iraq. There are numerous scenes of Jesse in tighty-whiteys that would make David Decoteau blush (more about Decoteau below) and while yes, there is a female love interest introduced, she is more a fag hag that resembles a cross between Meryl Streep and Kathy Griffin. Jesse and his jocular bud spend much of the film sweating, working out, talking in the bedroom, making eyes at each other, and gossiping about the hard-ass gym teacher who turns out to be a connoisseur of all things leather and painful (unfortunately so does Freddy, which leads to a scene that would make even the owners of The Eagle uncomfortable).
Bottom Line: Exploding parakeets, leading men who scream like girl guides, and Days of our Lives soap diva Christie Clark plays Jesse’s little sis.
Fright Night (1985)
A banner year for gay horror in addition to Nightmare on Elm Street 2, audiences got a taste for blood in the deliciously fun, Fright Night. William Ragsdale plays Charlie, a typical boy-next-door with a love for late night horror films hosted by horror legend Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall) who was once famous for playing fearless vampire hunters in classic horror films but is now a fading memory hosting schlock at the local cable station. Charlie’s curiosity is piqued by his new neighbours, the tall, dark and handsome Jerry (hot in that 80s way, Chris Sarandon) and his bottom boy Billy (Jonathan Stark who went on to write for Ellen’s sitcom years later). Amanda Bearse (Married with Children’s favourite TV lesbian before Ellen) plays Amy, Charlie’s girlfriend and gay Adult Film star Stephen Geoffreys plays Evil Ed, Charlie’s creepy BFF. The three teens begin to believe that the A&F boys next door aren’t sucking each other, but rather the blood of gorgeous models that seem to have a harem tucked away in their sleepy little hamlet. The kids seek the help of Peter Vincent to vanquish the bloodsuckers and make their neighbourhood safe from predators.
Bottom Line: Bearse plays lipstick, Sarandon seduces Geoffreys, and fey McDowall saves the day.
Voodoo Academy (2000)
Arguably one of the most homo-erotic of David Decoteau’s exhaustive list of D-grade horror cheapies that includes such classics as Beastly Boyz, Leaches, Killer Bash and The Brotherhood series. Voodoo Academy is run by Mrs. Bouvier (Debra Mayer) a bookish administrator by day, S&M voodoo dominatrix by night and the hunky Rev. Carmichael (Chad Burris). The new boy at school, Christopher (scrumpdillyicious Riley Smith), uncovers a seedy yet totally incomprehensible plot by the Academy to transform the bevy of male beauties into tiny voodoo dolls by strapping them to a table in their boxer briefs and then pouring a magical KY potion all over their semi-nude, gym sculpted bodies. If I had a nickel for every time that plot was rehashed… I’d have a nickel.
Bottom Line: The director’s cut with commentary from Decoteau is priceless and the extended cut includes a lengthy set-piece involving the male cast sleeping in the same room writhing in ecstasy under Bouvier’s spell - the epitome of cock-tease.
Carrie (1976)
My Momma used to say, “If you have a lemon, than make lemonade!” so that’s just what an ugly duckling, raised by a religious nutcase decides to do when she gets her first period in her senior year of high school. For everyone that was ever teased by high school mean girls or football lunkheads, this Brian DePalma adaptation of Stephen King’s best-seller was the ultimate vicarious revenge vehicle that saved hundreds of homos from spending a fortune in therapy bills. Sissy Spacek received an Oscar nomination for her excellent portrayal of Carrie White who is not only a victim of constant abuse by her peers, but by her domineering mother played to the hilt and beyond by Piper Laurie channelling Faye Dunaway in Mommy Dearest and possibly Anita “pie in my face” Bryant. It isn’t until the arrival of Carrie’s first menstrual cycle that she realizes that she was born with the gift of telekinesis, the power to move things with her mind, which becomes stronger under emotional duress. Feeling guilty over their cruel treatment of Carrie, popular curly-haired couple Sue (Amy “I made $50 million off my divorce with Speilberg” Irving) and Tommy (William Katt) design to make Carrie’s final days of high school memorable by having Tommy take Carrie to the Senior Prom. But before you can say “dirty pillows” things go horribly wrong and Carrie’s power is unleashed.
Bottom Line: Cult icon PJ Soles is supposed to be one of the most popular girls in school but wears a rainbow ball cap, even to the prom, more befitting of someone in Special Ed. Nancy Allen proves herself to be the ultimate multi-tasker by delivering a monologue and a blow job to John Travolta at the same time. Broadway Diva Betty Buckley plays a butch, chain-smoking, bitch-slapping gym teacher who befriends Carrie and inadvertently wins the hearts of gay men everywhere.
The Hunger (1983)
Tony Scott directed this stylish gothic love story set in contemporary Manhattan as if he were making the longest 80s music video. Goth anthem Bella Lugosi’s Dead by Bauhaus opens the film as ravishing vampire couple Miriam (Catherine Deneuve) and John (David Bowie) prowl amid the new-wave revellers at a posh night club looking for swingers to quench their thirst. Throat biting apparently is much too gauche for Miriam and John, who prefer death by bling necklaces in the shape of ankhs with handy-dandy razor-sharp tips to slit the throats of sexually adventurous euro-trash. Despite their creamy vanilla good looks, lavish furnishings and swellegant brownstone, all is not well for John and Miriam as John has begun to age, which is a real breach of vampire contract. Enter Dr. Sarah Roberts (Susan Sarandon) whose research, John believes, will put a stop to his accelerated aging. However, realizing that John is a lost cause, and not wanting to spend eternity without a partner, Miriam sets her sights on Sarandon who is also entranced by Miriam’s beauty and mystique, despite the fact she is involved with colleague Tom (Cliff DeYoung).
Bottom Line: Perhaps one of the most beautiful artfully shot lesbian sex scenes in screen history involving two of the cinema’s most famous actresses. Miriam and John’s brownstone is worth the rental price alone. Also, an early appearance by Guiding Light soap veteran Beth “Harley” Ehlers, channelling her best Jodi Foster circa Freaky Friday as the smart-assed kid-next-door.
Inside (2007)
Still looking for an original Halloween costume inspired by the cinema? For those with a flair for horror haute couture, might I suggest the character of La Femme in France’s intense horror gore-fest INSIDE, as she is one of the most terrifying villainesses in recent horror history. Beatrice Dalle (France’s answer to Sandra Bernhard) plays La Femme with a menace darker than Star Jones and Al Reynolds bedroom mood lighting. The viewer is unsure why La Femme shows up at the isolated doorstep of pretty and very-pregnant heroine Sarah on Christmas Eve but, only that she wants to be let inside. She carries a serious pair of scissors capable of getting even farther inside than just Sarah’s home!
Bottom Line: The ultimate affirmation that we should be counting our lucky stars that we can’t procreate.
Matt Salton is the festival director of the Fairy Tales International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival in Calgary. He can be reached for comment at reelpublicity@yahoo.ca
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