Many changes in sexual behaviour have occurred over the past 50 years. In the 1950s, 45 percent of the women and 17 percent of the men in the US were virgins when they married. By the 1980s, only 5 percent of women and 3 percent of men were virgins on their wedding night. One consistent sex difference is that boys experience first sexual arousal earlier than girls, they are aroused more frequently, and they masturbate more often. Men are also more often excited by visual materials compared to women and they generally present a stronger desire to have a variety of casual sexual partners. [1]

According to data from 2000-2001, the average Canadian male has first intercourse at 16.7 years of age, which is not much different from females at 16.8 years. There has been a long-term trend toward people having sex at earlier ages. Over 70 percent of Canadian males and females will have sexual intercourse before the age of 20. [2]

Adolescents who identify as gay are even more likely to be sexually active – usually less than 10 percent of boys and 20 percent of girls are sexually inactive. The average gay boy has first sex with a same-sex partner at age 13 or 14 and for the average lesbian girl, about one or two years later. Another finding is that same-sex attracted girls are having sex with both boys and girls earlier than in the past and with greater frequency! The first male sexual partner of another male is, on average, six years older while the first female sexual partner of another female is usually similar in age. [3]

The most common sexual activity for homosexual men is mutual masturbation, followed by oral sex, leaving anal sex in third place. [4] In gay male teens, nearly 90 percent have had manual and oral sex with another male. Only about half, however, have engaged in anilingus (oral-anal contact). [5] It has also been estimated that about 25 percent of adults have had heterosexual anal intercourse. [6]

Sexual milestones are also different for males and females. Regarding sexual identity, the context is primarily emotionally-oriented for young women and sexual oriented for young men. First same-sex attractions often occur between eight and nine years of age, but first disclosure of this averages 10 years later for both sexes. For female youth, identifying as a sexual minority often occurs before sexual activity commences: the opposite is true for male youth. [7]

A 1994 US report is often touted as the most comprehensive survey of sexual behaviour in the general population that has been published to date. [8] The researchers found that gay males on average reported 42.8 lifetime sexual partners as compared to 16.5 lifetime sexual partners among heterosexual males, 9.4 lifetime sexual partners among lesbian women, and 4.6 lifetime sexual partners among heterosexual females. [9]

Other research with a sample of 1,450 men found that only two reported having had 100 or more same-sex partners. There was a considerable overlap between the number of partners that gay men had compared to heterosexual men. However, there were was a small subgroup of gay men who had sex with far more partners than any heterosexual man reported. [10]

In the first two years of a relationship, about 67 percent of gay male couples, 61 percent of heterosexual couples, and 33 percent of lesbian couples report a high frequency of sexual activity (at least 3 times per week). [11] Sexual activity declines in all types of couples during years 3 to 10, however, gay male and heterosexual couples continue to engage in sex three or more times a week much more frequently than lesbian couples (32%, 38%, and 7%, respectively). Gay male couples are least likely to be sexually exclusive, and for many, this results in “issues of jealousy, inventiveness, competitiveness, and perceived or real health risks.” [12]

An international study from the mid 1990s focused on homosexual behaviour and attraction in the United States, the United Kingdom, and France. In these three countries, respectively, the researchers found that 8.7, 7.9, and 8.5 percent of males and 17.8, 18.6, and 18 percent of females reported some degree of same-sex attraction but no same-sex behaviour since age 15. When individuals reporting same-sex attraction or same-sex behaviour were added, the respective numbers increased to 20.8, 16.3, and 18.5 percent for males and 17.8, 18.6, and 18.5 percent for females. Lastly, when only homosexual behaviour was considered over the previous five years in these three countries, respectively, they found 6.2, 4.5, and 10.7 percent of males and 3.6, 2.1, and 3.3 percent of females reported same-sex sexual contact. [13]

Although statistics give us a glimpse into the lives of the “average” person, whether heterosexual or queer, they tell us very little about any specific individual. If, for example, you did not become aware of same-sex attractions until you were in your thirties, does that really matter, despite the average being closer to age 10? Alternatively, if you are a woman and find that visual stimuli is very sexually arousing to you, does it say anything about you, other than this is how you are different compared to the “average” woman? You are unique and realizing you do not fit into a statistic can be really empowering. It is important to own your own experience, whatever it looks like.

Dr. Alderson is an associate professor of counselling psychology at the University of Calgary who specializes in gay and lesbian studies. He also maintains a private practice. He can be contacted by confidential email at alderson@ucalgary.ca, or by confidential voice mail at 605-5234.

References:

1. Townsend, J. M. (1998). What women want – what men want: Why the sexes still see love and commitment so differently. New York: Oxford University Press.

2. McKay, A. (2005). Sexual health education in the schools: Questions & answers. Retrieved July 7, 2005, from Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN) Web site: http://www.sieccan.org/pdf/sexual_health_qs.pdf

3. Savin-Williams, R. C. (2005). The new gay teenager. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

4. Ross, M. W., & Schonnesson, L. N. (2000). HIV/AIDS and sexuality. In L. T. Szuchman & F. Muscarella (Eds.), Psychological perspectives on human sexuality (pp. 383-415). New York: John Wiley & Sons.

5. Savin-Williams (2005).

6. Seidman, S. N., & Rieder, R. O. (1994). A review of sexual behavior in the United States. American Journal of Psychiatry, 151, 330-341.

7. Savin-Williams, R. C., & Diamond, L. M. (2000). Sexual identity trajectories among sexual-minority youths: Gender comparisons. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 29, 607-627.

8. Wagstaff, D. A., Abramson, P. R., & Pinkerton, S. D. (2000). Research in human sexuality. In L. T. Szuchman & F. Muscarella (Eds.), Psychological perspectives on human sexuality (pp. 3-59). New York: John Wiley & Sons.

9. Laumann, E. O., Gagnon, J. H., Michael, R. T., & Michaels, S. (1994). The social organization of sexuality: Sexual practices in the United States. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

10. Friedman, R. C., & Downey, J. I. (1994). Special article: Homosexuality. New England Journal of Medicine, 331(4), 923-930.

11. Blumstein & Schwartz, cited in Coleman, E., & Simon Rosser, B. R. (1996). Gay and bisexual male sexuality. In R. P. Cabaj & T. S. Stein (Eds.), Textbook of homosexuality and mental health (pp. 707-721). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press.

12. Coleman & Simon Rosser (1996, p. 717).

13. Sell, R. L., Wells, J. A., & Wypij, D. (1995). The prevalence of homosexual behavior and attraction in the United States, the United Kingdom and France: Results of national population-based samples. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 24(3), 235-248.