Here’s the thing about gay men: "Whoops!" is typically not a word you’ll hear in our family creation stories. Children don’t come to us by way of a happy accident. Instead, most gay dads plan meticulously before starting families.

The pages of FIND YOUR PATH: A Guide To Help Gay Men Become Dads include advice from researchers and lawyers on how best to navigate local laws and regulations, tips from family planning experts, and first-hand perspectives from gay dads, each of whom has come to fatherhood in a unique way. While these resources are not meant to be exhaustive, they are useful as a point of entry into the process.

Anyone considering a route to fatherhood through surrogacy will need to decide which type of surrogacy is best for his family. There are two different types: The first is referred to as traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate is impregnated with the sperm of one of the male partners through insemination. The other type, known as gestational surrogacy, occurs when another woman donates an egg to be fertilized by a male partner’s sperm, and the resulting embryo is transferred to the surrogate’s womb to carry. In practical terms, this means that a traditional surrogate is biologically related to the child she carries, while a gestational surrogate is not.

When it comes to costs associated with surrogacy, the bad news probably won’t be news to you at all: surrogacy is expensive. Standard expenses include agency fees, gestational carrier fees, travel expenses, IVF, attorneys’ fees, social workers’ fees, medical insurance. It adds up quickly, running anywhere from $90,000 to $120,000 or more.

You also need to plan for the unforeseen: extra costs associated with surrogacy could include lost wages for the surrogate, additional required medical tests, caesarean section fees, and even day care for the surrogate’s own children.

Some agencies have attempted to streamline costs associated with surrogacy, introducing different plans that aim to make fees as predictable as possible. They may also offer financing options to help.

Men with HIV hoping to use a surrogate face another expense around what is commonly referred to as "sperm washing." According to Ryan Kiessling of the Special Program of Assisted Reproduction at the Bedford Research Foundation Clinical Laboratory, HIV-positive men interested in surrogacy should budget from $8,000 to $10,000 for this procedure.

One expense you may not have considered – but may find well worth it – is seeking the advice of neutral experts who are not benefiting financially from your choice of surrogacy agency. Attorney Rhonda Levy is one such professional; her company, Empowered IVF, aims to help clients turn into knowledgeable consumers capable of navigating the unfamiliar and daunting world of surrogacy. Fees range from single, two-hour sessions to package deals good for multiple consultations as parents move along on their journey.

"A neutral expert can help you cross- reference agency fee structures, and show you how some charge more without offering greater value," Rhonda told Gays With Kids.

Additionally, some agencies encourage their intended parents to work with a particular fertility clinic." This, she warns, could be because the agency has a mutually beneficial financial arrangement with that clinic.

Even more distressing is that "some have chosen to refer their intended parents to [clinics with] a track record of only average and sometimes even poor performance. A neutral expert can help conduct an insightful fertility clinic assessment and protect them from unnecessarily experiencing multiple failed cycles, which can be extremely disheartening for both them and the gestational carrier."

She encourages people to do their homework and not go into the process in a passive way, but rather empower themselves with available knowledge.

Nonprofit organizations such as the Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP) of Men Having Babies have begun programs to help offset the costs of surrogacy. Each year, GPAP provides dozens of gay prospective parents with over a million dollars worth of cash grants, discounts, and free services from more than forty service providers.

Do your homework before selecting a surrogacy agency, and consider consulting an expert in the field. Cost out the fees associated with the procedure, and consider applying for loans or assistance through Men Having Babies’ Gay Parenting Assistance Program if you qualify. Check out additional online resources such as Men Having Babies, It’s Conceivable, and GayswithKids.com.