Scott Terry, a successful water colorist, installation artist, and writer, spent his childhood and youth dodging emotional landmines in a wasteland of neglect, abuse and hunger. That he survived and prospered is remarkable, as is his memoir, "Cowboys, Armageddon, and the Truth."
The book describes incongruity found in our North American society; hunger in a land of plenty, love harbored and doled out to only our own as though is was a rare commodity, detachment instead of parental love, religion that preaches fear and damnation instead of love and inclusivity.
Terry’s story is really one of metamorphosis. He emerged from poverty into financial security; from abandonment into a long-term relationship and a wide circle of friends; from religious intolerance into a life of acceptance; from knowing only homophobia into life as an openly gay man, a masculine man attracted to other masculine men.
Scott’s childhood was a nightmare of abuse and his book clearly describes the injustices served to him. His mother left early in his life. Indeed, he has no clear memory of her as a toddler. One hears the feeling of rejection in Terry’s memory of childcare. "We had a string of babysitters over the next year, each of whom disappeared. My mother had done likewise."
His father remarried and his new wife, Fluffy, was far, far worse than any fictional evil stepmother. Her husband’s children were treated as free labour. Scott dusted baseboards while his sister scrubbed skillets. The two of them were locked out of the home when Fluffy went shopping. Fluffy’s children were fed proper meals while they were denied even Kool-Aid. They lived in constant fear of punishment, which took bizarre forms, including holding one’s arms above their head for long periods of time and, as mere children, kicked out of the house.
Terry’s father, an unskilled, uneducated Okie, moved from job to job and county-to-county. Always the new boy, Terry had few friends. He and his sister grew extremely close and together they faced life, stealing food whenever possible and sharing secrets. Secrets, of course, were their defense against the world. No-one knew how awful home life was. In an interview, Terry noted that he would have lied to protect Fluffy just as many abused spouses deny their bruises are from their partner’s fists. He notes, poignantly, "I don’t know why he asks things like that. People try to tell him about how things are with Fluffy, but he doesn’t believe them. When brothers in the Kingdom Hall ask questions, the kind you don’t want them to ask, Dad gets mad. He says we spread stories, things that aren’t true, but it isn’t true. I don’t tell anyone anything."
His father and stepmother are members of the Jehovah Witness religion, a faith that holds as its core the belief that Armageddon is imminent. There is little purpose in education when the world is going to end soon. Jehovah Witnesses (JWs) do not allow discussion of its doctrines; one believes the dogma on faith alone. In addition to military service, marking birthdays, donating blood and observing Christmas, JWs preach against homosexuality as an abomination and perversion.
Jim Moon is webmaster of A Common Bond, an international support group for ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Their web site states that:
"The Jehovah’s Witness religion teaches its membership to believe that homosexuality is ‘detestable’, ‘an abomination’, ‘abhorrent’, and is caused by demon possession. Because of this, thousands of gay Witnesses are living lives of deeply closeted guilt, and fear of destruction by God. Those who choose to leave, or are expelled from the Witnesses face immediate isolation and shunning from family and friends...." Gays and lesbians who have been kicked out of the JWs are in a special need for all the emotional and spiritual support they can get. If JWs don’t conform completely to the sect’s doctrines and practices, including a strict prohibition against merely being gay, they are disfellowshipped, which is a severe punishment. It amounts to total ostracism."
Young Terry, indoctrinated by continual exposure to a church that hates what he realized he was, endured years of self-denial. When a picture of a naked man sparks his desire, he prayed against it and, thus, against his very self.
Einsten once said, "A man’s ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death." The quotation fits Terry’s view on religion today.
As Terry grows older, things came to a head. No longer able to live as he had been, he successfully fled and found a home, love and acceptance with his aunt. He also found a new passion, rodeo and bull riding, went to college and came to terms with who and how he is.
Terry’s story is compelling. It is much, much more than a coming out story or a coming of age piece. I think it is a story about finding one’s humanity, one’s self worth, one’s dignity. It is a tale of resurrection from the death of inhumane treatment, abandonment and cruelty.
While I encourage everyone, not only LGBT readers but everyone, to read "Cowboys, Armageddon and the Truth", I do not give it full stars. I rate it 7 / 10. Terry’s phrases are periodically awkward and his technique of using his child voice in places serves to disrupt more than enlighten.
Perhaps he tackled too much material. A full childhood and adolescence of fighting cruelty, loss, hatred, fundamentalism, and homophobia may be too much for a first novel.
I eagerly await his next book. And, in the meantime, I am passing out my copy to all of my friends, straight and gay alike.
I had the opportunity to chat with Scott to exchange ideas. He graciously answered several of my questions.
GC: The title," Cowboys, Armageddon, and the Truth", is compelling. How did you come up with it?
ST: It was kind of last minute. I spent almost 7 years writing the book (learning how to write a book takes time) and the title during that time was "The House of Fluffy." My publisher didn’t like that title. He thought it sounded like a story about a cat....so I changed it. I didn’t put a lot of thought into it. It just kind of arrived on its own.
GC: If you were just starting to write the book, is there anything you would change?
ST: If I had it to do over, I would probably include more material about cowboys, rodeos, etc. Some readers have commented that they wanted more blood, sweat, and trauma about the bull riding experience, so I would probably expand on that more if I could. But the reality is that what gets included in a book isn’t always up to the author. There is a size limit for a first time author, and publishers were adamant that I had to keep the word count under 90,000 words...which meant that some details and material didn’t get included.
GC: What writers do you admire? Why?
ST: As a kid I always had my nose buried in books, to the point that more than once I took home a report card with a teacher’s comment of, "Scott reads too much." I admire writers who can move me with their stories without burying me in over-the-top language. I’m not interested in reading a book to marvel at the writer’s skill in sharing every word in his vocabulary. I want the story to move me. But the story that I remember most, and moved me the most, was a short story by African American author Langston Hughes. I read his story, "The Salvation" when I was a teenager, and that’s when I realized that a good story and good writing had tremendous power.
GC: What are you reading at present?
ST: I just finished reading The Orchardist, which I enjoyed very much. There are perhaps ten other books sitting on my desk from authors who asked me to review their works. That was something I did not expect. After publishing my book I found myself buried with review requests, and it’s difficult to get to them.
GC: You mention that you like masculine men. How do you feel about drag queens?
ST: I’m a masculine guy and I am romantically and physically attracted to other masculine men, but that doesn’t really have any bearing on how I view drag queens. I’m not interested in dressing in drag, but I’ve known many other men who do. I suppose the best way to answer this question is by saying that I view drag queens in the same way I view masculine men, effeminate men, lipstick lesbians, heterosexuals, transgendered, and every other letter in the LGBTQ rainbow. People are people. Everyone needs to find the way to exist in this world which makes them happy.
GC: Do you ever go to a drag show?
ST: Sure. I’m an openly gay man, so I’ve seen drag shows. The gay rodeos, in particular, have a large contingent of drag queens who perform and raise money for charity. That’s an admirable thing.
GC: Do you have any desire to write another book? If so, would it also be autobiographical or would you consider fiction?
ST: Writing another book wasn’t my original objective, but after writing Cowboys I’ve realized that writers write books. I am a writer. I will write another book. I am currently working on the outline for a work of fiction. It won’t be too far off in theme from Cowboys, but fiction will allow me to take the story in any direction I like. That feels very liberating, powerful, and daunting. I’ve never written fiction, but I would like to write without being constrained by my personal history. When writing my memoir I felt an overwhelming need to be honest and accurate in the telling of my story. I refused to fictionalize it, even though many publishers asked me to. So I think writing a new book of fiction will be a terrific experience. It will be another cowboy themed story, but perhaps in the romance category.
GC: Do you have any desire to write for a non-gay audience?
ST: Most of my writing has been for a non-gay audience. My essays for Huffington Post - Gay Voices page weren’t geared specifically for a gay audience, nor was my memoir, Cowboys. I want to tell stories about the gay experience, from my perspective, for a very wide audience. Sometimes that means I write warm and fuzzy gardening stories, and other times I write gay-experience pieces that are aimed at the entire world. The very first work I published (for pay) was an excerpt from my book that I sent to the San Francisco Chronicle. That launched a year and a half of writing stories for them, none of which were aimed at the LGBT audience.
GC: Why do you think your father stayed with Fluffy when there are indications he wasn’t overly happy?
ST: My father does not like conflict. It was easier for him to hide and not confront the reality of his marriage. I also think that religion played a huge part in his inability to rescue his kids or search for a better life. For their entire existence, the Witnesses have been preaching that The End is near. Armageddon is coming soon, maybe even tomorrow, they believe. That mentality gives absolute permission to avoid difficult decisions in life. If you think Armageddon is coming tomorrow, you don’t need to plan for retirement, or take your children to the dentist, or send them to college, or use divorce to end an unhappy marriage. And lastly, the Jehovah’s Witnesses do not allow divorce. The only grounds for divorce is adultery. Of course, committing adultery in order to obtain permission to divorce is still grounds for disfellowshipping, so that’s not really an option for someone who has bought into the JW religion and believes it is "the truth".
GC: Do you want to have children? Are you open to adoption?
ST: No. I’ve been told many times that I would make a great dad. I love kids and was asked once to be a donor for a lesbian who wanted children, but I think the world has enough children already. I don’t need to add my offspring to the mix. I like the idea of adoption, simply because there are so many kids who need help. I don’t believe, however, that I am the right person to take on that enormous responsibility.
GC: It seems to be that the more fundamentalist a faith structure is, the more focused it is on the body. Why do you think that is?
ST: I would agree with you. Rather than helping their members to become better people, fundamentalist religions tend to focus on telling their followers what they can and can’t do, or who they can and can’t be. Those religions use the Bible as a guidebook for modern day life, so they have to choose the prohibitions that will be tolerated in today’s society. For example, all those scriptures prohibiting the consumption of shellfish, or demanding that we stone to death non-virgin wives, or declaring it is perfectly acceptable to own slaves as long as you don’t beat them, won’t really fly today. If you take those out, what you’re left with is a lot of scripture about sexuality and bodies, which appeals to fundamentalism.
GC: You mention your sister’s return to the "the Truth." Given the emotional depth of your relationship, do you feel abandoned?
ST: Absolutely. My sister and I were always very close, and that bond was forged during a very difficult childhood. The Jehovah’s Witnesses have convinced her that I am a "detestable unclean thing that is not to be associated with." I will never again have a relationship with my sister. Her religion won’t allow it. Not only am I gay, but I am considered an apostate which is their phrase for people who leave the religion. That is something I would like readers of my book to know. The Jehovah’s Witnesses might appear to be very nice people when they show up on your doorstep to proselytize, but any member who dares to leave will be ostracized and shunned by their family and everyone who they once thought were friends.
GC: What was the allure of rodeo?
ST: I would ask, what is the allure of golf. It’s an independent event, not a team. It’s all about you. I do have an independent streak. It just fit. But when I was in school, just before I left Fluffy’s house, one of my school chums was a bull rider and I thought that was the stupidest thing. But, mostly it was the ability to get out of my old life; it was part of the new life.
GC: How long have you been with your partner?
ST: Two years. It’s just the most wonderful relationship. It’s perfect. It actually shocked the hell out of me. We fit, we just fit. We are going to buy some ranch land together. I have never been so happy in my life.
GC: How do you cope with all of the betrayals?
ST: I don’t know. ...In the 7 years since I left Fluffy and all of that behind, I was still having dreams, nightmares. I’d wake up angry. With Michael, that stopped. I still have dreams but rarely. Once a year or so. I just learned to accept that I deserved love.
GC: What surprised you about the book?
ST: What people get is so different, depending on where they come from. Some were not happy with so much religion; others wanted more focus on my life after I came out. I think the fact that different people extract different meanings and ideas is a good thing.
GC: What do you want young gay people to get from your book?
ST: It’s funny but I think the kid who is "obviously gay" and, believe me, I hate to stereo type anyone, has a better chance of being OK in the end. They will realize how they are different and will have various resources to help them in life. But it’s the kids who, physically, are the same as others but they know inside that there are not the same. It’s those kids, the ones who have a hard time understanding their sexual orientation, that I hope read the book and have a successful adult as a role model.
I thanked Scott for his time. I am confident I will soon be reading another book written by him; his talent is too huge to stay confined for long!