Hello everybody, it’s a pleasure to be with you again this month. I hope a great time was had by all at Western Cup. If you were a winner, then I send my congratulations. If not, well it’s the taking part that counts, right?
Last month I advised that we would be discussing community issues, and this month we look at same-sex domestic violence. You may remember that I co-chair the Chief’s Advisory Board, and my plan is to introduce my fellow board members during the coming months. This same-sex domestic violence information has been kindly provided by one of those board members, Jane Oxenbury, M.Ed., R.Psych.
Jane has a private practice in Calgary, where she works with individuals, couples and families, specializing in the areas of family violence, sexual abuse, depression, and anxiety. She works and trains extensively with the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered communities and with professionals, especially in the areas of same-sex domestic violence and bullying and harassment of LGBT youth. She is a member of the Psychologists Association of Alberta, the College of Alberta Psychologists, the Canadian Psychologists Association, the Canadian Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology, and the Canadian Society of Clinical Hypnosis – Alberta Division.
Social Context
Homophobia and heterosexism in society denies the reality of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender lives, including the existence of their relationships, and in particular abusive ones. An average of 25 to 33 percent of all same-sex relationships involve domestic violence.
Services for abused and abusive lesbian and gay individuals, and their families, are limited and many are not specialized for this community’s unique need. It’s not unusual for persons in these communities to sometimes experience a lack of understanding of the seriousness of the abuse when reporting to a therapist, social worker, medical personnel or police officer. Also, many are very reluctant to come forward due to homophobia and the fear that they will neither be believed by the service providers nor have confidentiality within their own community.
The root of such violence, as in heterosexual relationships, is the need for power and control; however, the amount of physical violence is less among lesbian couples and more verbal and emotional in nature. For gay couples it appears that there is more physical violence.
Facts
• Same-sex partner violence leads to similar short and long-term physical and emotional health problems to those in heterosexual domestic violence.
• Partner violence includes physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, economic and spiritual abuse.
• Partner violence occurs in all segments of the gay community.
• Partner violence has nothing to do with sex roles or physical appearance.
• This is not "mutual battering;" one partner is controlling through abuse and the other is defending themselves.
• Homophobia and heterosexism increase isolation in partner violence. Threats of being "outed" to family, friends or work, threats to "out" the children in their school/community and the lack of a legal position for the non-biological parent are used as a means to control a partner.
• The fear of having to "out" yourself if you talk about the abuse often keeps lesbian and gay individuals in silence.
The secrecy and isolation is even within the LGBT community itself. The myths that women don’t abuse women and gay men are just having a fair fight reinforce the silence. Homophobia keeps both from talking about the issue out of fear that they will not be believed, or supported or will be discriminated against. In addition, violence often occurs after a sexual encounter. This may be a reaction to the level of vulnerability involved. If one partner is struggling with her/his own internalized homophobia, she/he may find it more difficult to maintain her/his own level of denial when she/he has just been sexual with someone of the same gender. This insecurity, self-doubt, and fear may lead to violent acts designed to reestablish control.
Research also tells us that those who bully others in their childhood are at a greater risk to go on to be abusers in their adult years, and those who are bullied are at risk for further victimization. This included both heterosexual and LGBT individuals. So treating the impact of bullying is also very important to the health of our LGBT youth and, subsequently, our community adults.
Conclusion
Thank you to Jane for that valuable information. As a police officer I encourage you to report all incidents of domestic violence. Please don’t be a silent victim, and if you are a witness then please don’t think that it is not your business. I fully understand the sensitivity of this topic, and I am happy to facilitate an introduction with a local officer, or to be present as support when an officer attends if that is mutually convenient.
Stay safe, and I look forward to talking with you next month.