"It’s okay. It’s actually good," is Cool’s response when asked what it’s like to be gay and have a disability. Like Madonna or Cher, Cool from the Right 2 Love Group and from Between Men (Calgary Outlink’s group for gay, bi, trans, and queer men) is simply going by that one name for the purpose of this article. When asked what challenges he faces as a gay person with a disability, he responds "Finding a boyfriend. In the Disability Community people make fun of you [for] being gay. In the Queer Community I am made fun of for having a disability. People mostly look down at me because of my cerebral palsy." And Cool isn’t the only one who has had a hard time finding community and making friends in the LGBTQ community. Carl, another man who identifies as being gay and disabled, says "It’s kind of hard coming out and then finding a boyfriend. You don’t know who you can trust and you live in fear that a lot of people may look down on you." This is a common occurrence for LGBTQ people with disabilities.

When it comes to people with disabilities dating, loving and having relationships, many parents, guardians and support workers get squeamish. Many are so squeamish that they don’t allow the people they are supporting to have relationships, go on dates, or even attend social functions where they might find a date. When asked if his support workers were supportive of his sexual orientation, Carl said "I think so, yeah. But I am not sure if everyone knows. I have to have their trust first. I like to work with them for a while before I say anything. Not everybody is queer positive. Some people are really scared, like when they start saying gay bashing words, their use of language tells me if I can trust them or not."

Cool says, "Everyone has the right to love and it’s ok to come out to your worker if you feel they are a safe person to tell."

Carl talks about last year’s Gay Pride Parade as one public space where he felt accepted. "I’ve been to the pride parade with my worker Dale only. I am not sure if any other worker would go with me. We went to Puerto Vallarta together." Puerto Vallarta is also a queer positive city.  "I didn’t know what to expect. I would like to go again. It was easy to speak to people." But in Calgary it is a different story, Carl continues. "I have not found support in the queer community. I’ve been to the Gay Pride Parade and that is about it. I would like to find more support places that are safe and comfortable, where I am wanted and accepted. When I am working at my job in Calgary, it’s hard to know how to act in the community. Nobody knows at work. I’m scared of coming out in case people talk behind my back or I get fired."

The Right 2 Love Group talks about how your home should be one of the first places to feel safe. And yet, it is also the hardest place to be yourself. Brad from the Right 2 Love Group states, "Everyone is entitled to be our own person."  Frances, another Right 2 Love Group member, says "more help [is needed] with our landlords so that it’s okay to have a guest over" and that it is important to have "the right to feel safe wherever you are." Carl also talks about how he lives in the basement of a shared duplex, how the two people above him have 24/7 support, and why he doesn’t want to bring people home. "I am worried about my privacy and if people will talk about me behind my back."

Dale Dale, a support worker of Carl’s who is also gay, talks about how even without a disability, seeking support is difficult. "As a support worker who is gay, I haven’t found support in the gay community. I found the support through close friends.  One of the places I noticed that is welcoming for Carl was at the gay pride parade booth where people are able to offer the support that Carl was looking for. However, even I don’t find it is very easy [to access] other queer friendly supports; I have not seen anything. It is hard to find the support unless you seek out the gay community, or often pick up a copy of GayCalgary Magazine (and you have to be able to read it). Even when Carl and I go to gay events together, I need to pay attention as some of them make Carl feel very alone. ...When I start [getting] that ‘alone feeling’, Carl may be feeling it.  I then ask Carl if he would like to leave, as more often than not, he [feels] ‘alone’ a lot more than I would."

Thomas Poulsen speaks from the point of view of being a support worker and a person who lives with a disability. "Persons with disabilities, especially those living with their birth families in care facilities/group homes and supportive roommate situations, are often not given any encouragement and support to express their sexuality. People living with disabilities are frequently judged by society and mainstream media to be asexual and undesirable. On top of this, they may be completely dependent on others to help them gain access to opportunities to meet and socialize with others who also identify as being along the queer rainbow. Maybe they have had little or no access to sex ed. If they are able to find a peer group or network, they may have difficulty participating due to low literacy, the use of complex language/jargon, physically inaccessible facilities and other factors."

Mary S, a member of Right 2 Love, talks about how sometimes being labelled ‘disabled’ creates more barriers. "I am tired of being labeled and rejected from different service providers because of my disability. I wish that I would just be accepted as a person and that I would automatically get the help that I need. I think that sums up what I feel when it comes to people in the LGBTQ community regardless if they are disabled or not—they (we) too are human beings who deserve to be accepted into our society just like everyone else."