Anti-gay stalwart Bryan Fischer got out a copy of Webster’s Dictionary so that he could remind any and all who have not yet fallen under the spell of the "Homosexual Agenda" that discrimination is actually a good thing. According to a June 1 column by Fischer, liberals have gone and messed up a perfectly good term by not allowing upstanding moral citizens like himself to single out and treat LGBT folks unfairly.

Fischer is right when he says that discrimination isn’t always bad. People have to be discriminating when, say, it comes to whether or not to buy and eat a loaf of bread covered in green fuzz or when a man dripping with blood and reeking of alcohol knocks on the door in the middle of the night and asks to use the bathroom.

But when it comes to Fischer’s defense of discrimination against gays and lesbians, well, he’s not talking about the kinds of decisions people make every day. He’s talking about oppressing an entire group of people based solely on the fact that he doesn’t like them.

In addition to "rightly discriminating against homosexuals," Fischer says it’s the same as discriminating against "people who rip off convenience stores, burgle houses, drive while drunk, eat the faces off homeless people, gun down servicemen on military bases, embezzle funds from employers or clients, or beat their wives."

To Fischer, there’s no distinction to that guy in Florida who was shot because he wouldn’t stop gnawing on another man’s face, and a man or a woman who wants to have sex with a person of his or her own gender.

That’s not to say Fischer has no compassion for gays. "We should not ... discriminate against a man for his sexual inclinations, only for his sexual conduct," Fischer writes. "We don’t punish people for what they think about doing, or even for what they want to do, but only for their actions, only for the times when they yield to socially destructive impulses."

Got that? Only homos who are getting some action will be subjected to discrimination in Fischer’s fantasy police state. All the other gays, just get into one of those "pray the gay away" programs and marry someone of the opposite sex and your life will be just fine.

The idea that gays are born that way is a load of hooey in Fischer’s opinion. He writes, "Regardless of one’s sexual ‘orientation,’ which might even be to have sex with children, sexual behavior is always a matter of choice. You can ask Tiger Woods about what happens to an individual who yields to every sexual impulse that comes along."

Okay, wait, did Fischer just disclose that Tiger Woods is gay and/or that he had sex with kids? I mean, I get that Fischer is trying to link the roundly disproven notion of homosexuality=pedophilia, but what does Woods have to do with this? Perhaps Fischer is just confusing being gay with being a whore.

Actually, Fischer doesn’t know the difference. He is firmly wedded to the idea that homosexuality=rampant unstoppable sex urges that, with God’s help, just need to be reined in so that gays can stop being such lonely, disease-ridden, non-human beings.

But don’t worry, it comes from the goodness of his heart. "We should discriminate against this kind of behavior not because we hate people but because we love them," he writes.

My goodness, if this is how Fischer says, "I love you," I’d hate to get on his bad side.