Many of us think we know what bullying is.  Perhaps many of us have our own experiences to draw from, and that because we’ve survived it growing up, we are automatically experts qualified enough to lead the next generation by example.  But there is a problem with that.

Ladies and gentlemen, I may be stating the obvious when I report that bullying happens amongst adults too.  All the heightened awareness of bullying in recent times has heavily charged the word with bad connotations, making it an ideal label for actual bullies to sling falsely at others in order to hurt them, and rally people to aid in put downs and isolation. People have been stirred to such a frenzy over this important issue that true bullies, be they children or adults, are taking advantage of this to deflect the attention and continue terrorizing others.  People who are just expressing an opinion, making fair criticism, standing up for themselves or others, can be falsely labelled "bullies" to take that assertiveness away from them, to put doubt in their minds, to force them into submission.  And that’s just another way true bullies can strip power away from their victims.

When we become adults, bullying situations are no longer as black and white as the big angry 6th grader on the playground versus the wispy little 2nd grader with bruises and a black eye.  As adults, the big guys who put on a strong front can be the victims, as can the little guys crying foul be the bullies.  Adult bullying can occur in business, domestic, and social situations.  Adults are more capable of deception, to only throw their punches when nobody is looking, and fall on their own swords to garner sympathy when people are.  If you opt to take a side, it can frequently be difficult to determine who the real bully is.  Perhaps there isn’t one at all, and both parties are just being ridiculous in a disagreement.

So I think it’s time to challenge people in the LGBT community to refresh their knowledge on bullying.  You may know or easily be able to find anti-bullying resources but when’s the last time you actually read them through?  Can you accurately name the key elements that define bullying behaviour?  Can you list the different types of bullying?  Can you name with certainty the psychological traits of a bully, or the impacts experienced by victims?  Did you know that bystanders are just as involved in bullying situations as are the bullies and the victims themselves?  Can you name the ways that cyber-bullying is different from conventional bullying?

If you care about anti-bullying causes but were uncertain about anything I just mentioned; if you’ve ever called someone a bully without having a clear idea - that you can describe in detail - of what a bully actually is and does; then it’s possible you could be a tool in society’s latest witch hunt.  You could be helping bullies to debase the people that are trying to stand up for themselves, or you could unwittingly be a bully yourself through actions that you think are acceptable and justified.

"A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself." [Dan Olweus, Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do]

Lets break it down into the key elements.  "Repeatedly and over time" means that bullying happens in multiple occurrences, indicating a regular pattern of behavior.  This pattern continues despite the aggressor(s) knowing, or having ample indication that they are committing "negative actions" that are unwelcome by the receiver.  This can be done by "one or more other persons", meaning that bullying can be the result of collective actions by a group of people, including bystanders who actively or passively support or condone the actions that they witness.  Lastly, this behavior continues with the knowledge that the victim "has difficulty defending himself or herself," exploiting an imbalance of power.  This can be due to a physical or mental disability/disadvantage, a contract, a conflict of interest, blackmail, or simply that the bullying is done in a manner that blocks the victim’s ability to defend themselves, such as overwhelming them physically, with raised voice, using fear, threats, or intimidation.

In some of Dan Olweus‘ other literature [Peer Harassment in School, 2001], he defines 6 types of bystanders in the "Bullying Circle".  Followers or Henchmen participate but don’t usually initiate or lead in bullying actions.  Supporters or Passive Bullies express support for bullying actions but don’t participate.  Passive Supporters or Possible Bullies support bullying actions silently.  Disengaged Onlookers don’t care, or don’t want to get involved.  Then there are Possible Defenders who feel they should do something but don’t, and finally Defenders who step in to help the victim.

The anti-bullying craze has got people eager to step forward and do something, but in adult situations where appearances can be deceiving, stepping in as a Defender for the wrong person can pit you as a Henchman or Supporter for a bully.

When you can’t determine bullies and henchmen from victims and defenders, it might help to take a step back and look at patterns of behaviour rather than the immediate situation.  According to ViolencePreventionWorks.org, bullies get into frequent fights, perceive a negative climate around them, may steal and vandalize property, and possibly even carry a weapon or otherwise remain prepared for a fight.  Schools (and we can guess other environments) with bullying issues develop a climate of fear and disrespect where people have difficulty working, learning, or having fun because they feel insecure being there.  People who are bullied can suffer from depression, low self-esteem, social withdrawal, and even suicidal thoughts.  But observers of bullying can also be negatively impacted, possibly feeling fearful, powerless, tempted to participate or guilty for not acting.

Bullying is not just physical violence and nasty insults.  It also includes social exclusion and isolation, spreading lies and false rumors, stealing or damaging physical property, and threatening or forcing people to do things to harm or humiliate themselves.  Verbal abuse can also come in forms of racial and sexual bullying.

My column last month, Facebook: A Home Invasion, incidentally hinted at some of the unique characteristics of cyber-bullying.  Also from ViolencePreventionWorks.org, these characteristics include Anonymity (not knowing who is attacking you), Accessibility (bullies being able to reach you anytime, day or night), Bystanders (possibly in the millions), and Disinhibition (doing or saying things you normally wouldn’t in a face-to-face setting).

Simply jumping on the anti-bullying bandwagon is not enough to make things better for the next generation.  When we as adults are still dealing with bullies in our own generation, and still at a loss for how to identify them and deal with them, then perhaps our childhood bullying experiences really haven’t taught us anything.

March was the month of major annual events at the University of Calgary.  It was strange for me, returning to my old haunt and seeing how much has changed – some new buildings on campus, a number of existing ones rearranged.  But enough still the same to cause a great deal of nostalgia.

The third annual presentation of the Coming Out Monologues was a roaring success again this year.  The first show was sold out several days prior, and the last few tickets to the second show were snapped up during intermission of the first show, by people wanting to see the second performance.  The lineup of performers for each separate show was largely different, making for a unique performance each night of its two night run.

Steve and I attended the first night and we were happy to see so many fresh and interesting new monologues, the creations of many familiar faces in the community.  I have to say we got a kick out of Zak Slams monologue whose survival guide to the Alberta LGBT Community included getting one’s photograph in GayCalgary Magazine!

The event showed further growth this year with additional sideshows, including art exhibits and a dress-up photo booth.

Later in the month was the Gender Bender at the Den, presented by Queers on Campus.  Pride Calgary tagged on their support for this event, declaring it The Official Halfway to Pride Party.  They had a pretty great crowd come out – organizers say they sold close to 300 tickets.  Fake Mustache put on an entertaining show, with numbers from Argentina, Matchbox Max, and April Storm, and including a mocking traditional reading of cheesy gay erotica that some may remember from Club Sapien: "Story Time with April".

Last month we were happy to announce the relaunch of our new and improved online Photo/Video Gallery.  Judging by how much our web servers have been pummelled over the past month, I think it’s safe to say this has proven to be a popular new feature of our site.  So popular that we’ll promptly be doing some much needed upgrades to our hardware to accommodate the demand.  If you found our website behaving slow, or received Error 500 messages while trying to access things, our upgrades will address these issues.

We also got off to a bit of a false start with the video side of our gallery.  After some initial experimentation, intense research, and tough forward-thinking discussions, we hashed out a new strategy for providing video in a manner that is accessible to both our Windows- and Mac-using audience.  We opted to provide streaming so that visitors can start watching videos right away and jump ahead to any point they wish, rather than having to wait for the whole video to download.  This meant we needed to redo all of the videos that we had posted initially.  Lucky for us, we were able to figure out how to automate some of the video processing tasks, and we’re already beyond being caught up to where we were prior to changing direction.

As we post photos, we’re doing our best to include descriptions that mention performers, venues, organizations, and so on, so that people can use our photo search feature to track down what they’re looking for.  You can access this search feature by clicking on the magnifying glass icon right above the photo gallery.

Also, if your finger gets tired from clicking the Next or Previous buttons as you’re looking through an album, you can always click the green "play" arrow above the photo for a nice slide show.