This month I’m reminded just how long I’ve been a part of Alberta’s LGBT community.  It has been over a decade since I gave up the delusion that the "straight-fairy" might still visit me, and 8 years since I started contributing my efforts to publish GayCalgary & Edmonton Magazine each month.

As scary as that sounds, I’m realizing that being so acclimated to the LGBT way of doing things has left me a bit out of touch with the outside world.

I’m no stranger to getting work done, and at my day job I’ve had no problems whatsoever integrating into my workplace and becoming a productive member of a team.  I have no hitch dealing with all manner of people when it comes to getting a job done; I’m a lion when it comes to that.

But in other situations, not so much.  When it comes to hanging out more casually with people from work, I seem to become my shy and quiet self again.  I find that I have difficulty connecting on a personal level with many straight men, and software development is a notably male-dominated industry.

The majority of experience I’ve had making friends with other men has been within the LGBT community, where we encourage and appreciate many character traits that most straight men are trained from birth to keep hidden.  The TV depiction of close relationships between straight guys seems like a triumph over nature and nurture, when there are so many forces at work to repel them from one another.

When I’m working alongside of other people toward a common goal, I feel this amazing sense of camaraderie that drives me to do better.  It makes even tough and arduous tasks fun in a way because I get to learn from my peers and share my own experiences.  It’s a sure-fire way that I can relate to them.

But work like this pushes people together.  True friendships emerge when some of those people have the desire to come together of their own accord.  And this sort of camaraderie still eludes me.

This is where I feel that I’m sorely lacking in my experience with straight social conventions; that I’m ill equipped to relate to many straight guys, even when I recognize strong potential for friendship.  My dilemma is, how can I nurture close friendships with straight men when my instincts draw me to them and theirs push me away; when I’m not satisfied until I see past the walls that they put up, and they feel uncomfortable seeing past mine?

Yes, I have a desire to help my fellow man; they say men lead lives of quiet desperation, and who knows, perhaps I have few life lessons and words of wisdom from my unique perspective in the LGBT community that could help them shake this.  Yes, I feel good when I’ve done a little something to brighten someone’s life, to make their day just a little more bearable.  I’d like to say it stems purely from an altruistic heart, but what I look to gain out of all this is simply to be understood and accepted.

But even under the right circumstances, friendships take time to build, and that’s the one thing that I don’t have a lot of.  I keep a pretty hectic schedule outside of daytime work hours because of this magazine.  In general this makes it difficult for me to find time for "friend stuff" with people, and those casual activities are invaluable for bonding with others.  The only reason I’ve managed to bond with people in the LGBT community is that the magazine regularly brings me out to spend time with them.  To go out for any other reason is very rare and difficult to arrange.  Without it, I suppose I’m just another guy at work.

Having to explain the whole thing about the magazine is another hurdle – and when I’m getting to know someone, it’s hard to go for very long without having to take on this subject.  It’s a lot of information for someone to handle in one bite, and leads to other questions that pile on even more.   My sexuality aside, those who can fathom how much work we do to publish GayCalgary & Edmonton Magazine may think it’s an impossibly grandiose story designed to make me sound important if not super-human.  On the flip side, others may underestimate the whole situation and think it’s just some casual little hobby, and not the big thing that it is.

Either way I end up feeling awkward talking about it because nobody really seems to "get it".  I fear a lot of the work I’ve done in the LGBT community just doesn’t translate outside of it, and with what a big chunk of my existence it has been, there seems little else for me to share with colleagues about my personal life.

Others in my position may think it is better just to stick to the LGBT community where people are more likely to "get me", when it comes to friendship.  That would certainly be easier.  But what does translate across from the LGBT community is that I still feel the same compulsion to reach out to people, to be understood, and to find little ways to make their lives better as a friend or even as a stranger.

The difference is that I don’t have a fancy magazine to help me do it.  Like every other person, I have to figure out my own ways of doing this, and I have to be patient because I’m still learning how to balance it all.

This edition marks the 8th anniversary of GayCalgary and Edmonton Magazine - a huge milestone for us, soon to be followed by another biggie in February: our 100th edition.  Normally, this November edition would be the one where we collect and publish letters of congratulation from any individuals, community groups, or politicians that wish to submit one.  However we are holding these off for the 100th edition milestone instead.

From what we’ve seen happen in the LGBT community in the past, I should point out that this will actually be our 100th edition published, as in, we’ve not skipped ahead in our numbering at any point to suit ourselves or pretend to reach this milestone any sooner.  So it’s a big deal, 100 solid months of publishing, 100 different covers, I’ve written (just about) 100 publisher’s columns, and we’ve put ourselves through this same childbirth-calibre stress 100 times.

Furthermore, this January will mark the 20th anniversary of Men for Men, the early precursor to GayCalgary.com that Steve started when he was only 19 years old (I don’t think we’ve ever truly been acknowledged as a gay youth initiative, but in essence that’s what GayCalgary is).  And in fact, we will have been using GayCalgary as our trade mark for just short of 15 years now.

Last month was certainly not the most eventful October that we’ve seen, but still enough to keep us busy.

We were very proud to sponsor Risen, the queer perspectives and creative youth expression art show on October 13th.  It was a unique opportunity for LGBT youth to present their artwork and other talents, including singing, spoken word, dance and drag.  The event raised just over $2000 for Miscellaneous Youth Network.

ARGRA held their first monthly dance since the Rodeo at the end of June, a Pirates and Princesses themed Halloween party.  Mark Randall (a HEAT worker from AIDS Calgary) and I were chosen to be the judges for the costume competition, which was a tough call with so many great costumes.  Our three finalists were a formidable Pirate, a sexy Viking, and pregnant Tinkerbell.

The day afterward was the annual Great Chili Cook-off at the Calgary Eagle.  This year 11 contestants provided chilli for a full room of hungry people.  Though the judges disagreed, I have to say I liked the Chili made by Johnathan’s mom the most.  Not only that, she remembered me as the guy with the Tupperware containers from two years ago, when Steve had to miss it for something going on in Edmonton.  That wasn’t a problem this time, as Steve was happily present with me – and a good thing too, because there was a lot of chilli to sample!  The announced total raised for Beswick House was $1300.

These days it’s rare to find events at Twisted Element that meet our "special event" criteria for photographic coverage in the magazine.  The ISCCA held their annual Turnabout drag show, organized by the Imperial Crown Prince and Princess, where performers tried on the opposite gender to their usual drag personas.  Half the fun of Turnabouts is seeing who rises to the challenge, and who comes out a complete train wreck.  The show raised just over $450 for the ISCCA, and yes, there were a lot of train wrecks.

PURE Pride held their PURE Masquerade Halloween party in Edmonton at FLASH on Friday the 28th, and in Calgary at Club Sapien the day after.  At both events, April Storm made a very memorable debut on stilts, towering above the crowd as she performed a hair raising number.  It definitely had people talking!

I made the rounds to the bars in Edmonton on Saturday the 29th to capture everyone in costume celebrating Halloween.  I started at 8pm at the Junction for the ISCWR’s production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show – it was very well done!  I hung around for a while afterwards prior to heading over to Buddys and Woody’s, FLASH, and the Womonspace dance, before finally settling down to enjoy myself.  Meanwhile in Calgary, Steve walked to all of the bars plus the Girlsgroove dance – 7 different locations - to get photos.  Needless to say his feet and legs were sore for several days after; he calculated that he walked 15.5 km that night.

This was the first year in our house where we were both at home for actual Halloween.  Steve had hopes that we might see a few trick-or-treaters come to our door, but I knew from the previous year this was not likely.  As we were working on the magazine, we took some time to put out a few decorations and prop our gate open, but in the end we didn’t see a single visitor. I think it’s too dangerous for kids to be out along such a busy road as 17th Avenue.  Oh well, more candy for us!

Here’s the rundown:

November always means Taboo show for us.  This year the timing for both the Calgary and Edmonton shows, relative to other community events, is very unfortunate.  I’m particularly choked that we will be missing the BEEF Bearbash in Edmonton while we are at the Calgary Taboo Show.  Furthermore, we will be missing the World AIDS Day fundraiser at FAB, and Mz. Rhonda’s toy drive at Twisted Element while we are away at the Edmonton Taboo Show.

Once again we’re looking going bigger and better at the Taboo shows.  We’ve got some surprises up our sleeve but I will say that we’re providing space and fundraising opportunities for multiple non-profit groups this year, so please come on down and check out the show!  I have to admit, after a whole year of diligently working out I’m looking forward to doing my part for the photo fundraiser...sans my horrible Movember moustache this time.