“Humping Iron” by Monster Bang, Courtesy of Priape
No it’s not about a horny dog and a table leg – this film is about big beefy body builders who succumb to the distraction of other men at the gym. Though I really wonder how they managed to build all those muscles if they’re screwing around all the time…so much for that New Year’s resolution eh? In the intro sequence they use suggestive imagery such as the divotted metal pole going up and down, in and out of the hole in the center of a stack of weights. I thought I was the only one with a dirty enough mind to be amused over that, back when I used to work out.
In the first scene, Dirk Jager discovers a new exercise thanks to Michael Vincenzo. Jager looks almost like Dominic Purcell from the TV Show “Prison Break” – well, a scruffy naked version of him anyway. After Vincenzo spots Jager for a bit on the bench press (if by “spot” you mean “rides like a freakin’ pony”), Jager decides to turn things over and press Vincenzo into the bench instead.
Greek heart-throb Arpad Miklos tries to do a set of leg extensions, but his attention wanes as Alex Corsi stands beside him and rubs a chubby through his jogging shorts. My jaw dropped when Corsi took his shirt off – beautiful body on him, with a sexy tattoo on his shoulder and a tidy but solid mat of chest and tummy hair. What I wouldn’t give to be the meat in that sandwich!
Though this porno does have a good share of beefy hairy guys, there are a couple smooth younger actors with lighter builds. Jherrad Lopez and Dominic Pacifico fit this bill, and appear in later scenes. Francois Sagat must be pretty damn busy with the number of films he’s been starring in lately, and I keep seeing the host of the Amazing Race whenever I look at Collin O’Neal. Creepy.
“The School for Lovers” by Lucas Kazan Productions, Courtesy of Priape
Classical Music? Wine tasting? Italy? Oh my gosh, culture and class the likes of which I have never seen before in a porno. Maybe god won’t kill a kitten for wanking to this one! I admit that I only picked it up because Jean Franko looked hot on the DVD cover. There’s nothing wrong with the rest of the guys – they’re young, well built, smooth, and clean shaven. Martin Dejdar is pretty cute, though a goatee on him would appeal to me more.
The allure to this porno is that it was filmed on location in Italy, and I presume that means all of the actors are native Italians as well. They speak the language throughout the film, with badly translated subtitles to give an idea of what’s going on. “Two young couples, one indecent proposal” reads the text on the cover. Indeed my Jean Franko seems to be instigator in a scenario similar to the TV Show “Temptation Island”. The two young couples are staying at a beautiful country resort, and Franko offers to challenge their partner’s fidelity by trying to seduce their other halves who know nothing about the set-up.
When the two of the young lovers leave for the afternoon, Franko makes his move. After a sexy egress from the swimming pool he calls his buddy Roberto Giorgio to his aid, who seems to enjoy wandering the countryside shirtless in his spare time. Giorgio is unsuccessful at getting his assignment to budge, but Franko easily gets into Dejdar’s pants. He records a video on his cellphone as proof for Dejdar’s boyfriend. What a nasty mess this creates, but you’ll have to get your own copy to see how it all pans out.
Beautiful scenery, soothing classical music, hunky young Italian guys, and sexy scandal in the air…what more could you ask for?
“Daddy’s Boys” by Unzipped Video, Courtesy of Adult Depot
After a long day at work, there’s nothing like coming home to “a good cold beer and a boy”, according to Hunt Parker. The theme of this porno is that of older men dominating younger guys. It’s an interesting way of tying in burly hairy daddies with smooth and slender twinkies. Parker recalls a number of stories told to him by his friends, as he unwinds on his black leather sofa.
Nick Horn plays a woofy bouncer at a bondage club, to which the young Kyle Foxxx would do anything to gain admittance. Such a club is a rough place for a pup like Foxxx, so Horn takes advantage of this opportunity to show him the ropes in the alley around back. After a lesson in deepthroating, Horn locks Foxxx in an iron cage (much like the one at the Eagle here in Calgary) and feeds the boy his manhood through the bars. A few more lessons and Horn finally lets Foxxx in the back door of the club.
Manuel Torres, a butch, furry, tattooed Hispanic daddy that I would kneel for any day, plays a stern drill sergeant who catches the young Eli Duran jerking off in the corner. Army brat Duran has the same darkish skin as Torres, with a smooth body and a shaved head. Torres takes it onto himself to humiliate the poor kid, swearing at him and calling him a fag, yet eager to harness the boy for a little homoerotic pleasure of his own. Both guys in this scene are uncut, and engage in some hot foreskin play while giving head to one another. They carry on for some rimming and anal play, where not surprisingly Torres is the top.
A few scenes later, Parker finishes fantasizing about his friends’ exploits and finally bangs a boy of his own.
“Cow Poke” by Catalina Direct, Courtesy of Adult Depot
Okay, so I’ve heard of “playing for both teams”, but never “riding both sides of the horse”. How is that even possible? Well, Ray Stone says it so don’t blame me. The guys in this porno are a bunch of ranchy raunch-hands – err, I mean raunchy ranch-hands. They do a cute slack-jaw southern accent, but boy does their acting ever stink. It’s no wonder they skip over this opening story if you start the DVD on the first chapter.
Stone sends Steve Hurley to check up on the construction of a new bunkhouse, because he suspects the boys they hired are spending more time choking the chicken than picking up the hammer. Sure enough, Hurley finds Jack Van Dean slackin’ and whackin’, but can’t help having a little voyeuristic fun before giving him hell. Hurley twirls his nipples like batons, then rubs his armpits so he can sniff his own man-scent. Van Dean finally notices him standing there, and after a momentary stand off, Hurley joins in. There’s some more pit sniffing, foreskin play, and the usual oral and anal fare.
It’s safe to say that you’ll like this film if you’re into the rugged cowboy type. Some of the guys would classify as muscle bears, but they have a couple of younger not-so-hairy guys thrown in for good measure. Damn…we should have saved this one for ARGRA season! Meh, too late now.
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