For the longest time I thought I was cursed; resigned to being stuck with the build of a twink for the rest of my life. That may not seem like a curse to some, but for me it has always felt like a complete mismatch for who I am on the inside. As far back as I can remember, even prior to hitting puberty, I’ve been allured by the ideal of the stockier male physique – whether that size be due to fat or muscle. This has played into what I look for in a partner, and also what I hope to be myself.
In my case, I was getting pretty discouraged knowing that I weighed 10 lbs more in High School than I have in recent times. Steve and I will often eat the same portion sizes at meals, yet his metabolism will handle that food very differently from mine. During holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving I’ve done my best to stuff myself at meals but, I would max out my appetite and in the end nothing would stick. I’m not looking to become obese; I’m just trying NOT to look as if I’ve been starving myself – to look healthy, and feel happier with myself.
Back in October of 2010 I started a full time day job. From the way I feel, and the feedback I have been getting, I’ve been really excelling at what I do there. But much like what I do with the magazine, it is a job that is primarily mental labour. I was finding that, at the end of the day, my mind would be exhausted and somehow my muscles would be aching too. It wasn’t the kind of ache that would go away with relaxing; in fact it was exactly the opposite. My body was trying to tell me that it was feeling left out.
As part of their philosophy to keep employees happy and healthy, my work offers access to a private fitness facility in the basement for a mere $4 per month. So I signed up, and during the day when I was feeling restless I would take my half hour break to go and lift weights.
I started this back in December, and at first it was a little difficult to get in the habit of doing it regularly. Yes, the first few times I worked out, I felt so over-exerted that I wanted to pass out. But what amazed me was that, the exercises that nearly made me lose my lunch the one day would barely make me break a sweat the day after. I started challenging myself to do a little more when I felt like I had the strength and energy left – either increasing the weight or doing a few more repetitions. Usually I would do two passes at my volley of exercises, but recently I even managed to do three.
When I would return to work, for the first hour I would feel a little tired, but for the rest of the day I would feel more alert and energized. When it came to sleeping at night, my body and mind both concurred that they wanted to rest. It was a good feeling to find this sort of balance.
Just at the start of this month I suddenly noticed that some other results were becoming apparent, that I didn’t expect from a mere 30 minute daily workout. I coughed one day with my hand across my chest and realized that my palm didn’t touch in the centre any more. When I clenched my fists, I could see muscles rippling in my forearm that never used to do that. My appetite was increasing at meals, and when I weighed myself I discovered that I was back up to what I weighed in high school, and still gaining. It’s ironic to think I was wary of exercise for fear that I might lose weight instead!
A friend of mine suggested doing some activities between lifting weights to keep my heart rate up, so that I would get a cardiovascular workout at the same time. I took this advice and again, the first day I felt completely winded but after that I was completely fine. After a few days, I even noticed a difference in my lungs when it came to talking and singing.
It feels very exciting to be experiencing all of these changes, and I can’t wait to see where it will take me. It seems to me like, whether you want to gain weight or lose it, a little bit of challenging exercise every day will always take you in the right direction.
Last Month
Despite our hopes that May would be a quieter month so that we could catch up on work, it turned out to be pretty busy, with plenty of smaller community events still going on in both Calgary and Edmonton.
Pure Pride held a special dance at Club Sapien last month, where they flew out DJ Nick Bertossi, Steven Daigle (from our June 2010 cover) and adult film superstar Austin Wilde. But first, the boys went for a romp at the pre-party at Priape, where they tried out the port-a-sling in front of drooling onlookers - ourselves included! Over the course of the night, Wilde ended up taking my shirt off two times...he was just helping, since I asked for pictures with him. Woof!
The Calgary Men’s Chorus put on a very unique show this past month. Just from the concept, Blue seemed to catch people’s curiosity. When they sold out of tickets for the two shows that they had originally planned, they decided to offer a third show, which was close to selling out when we attended on their opening night. Though the hot humid air and bleacher seating were not ideal for comfort, the combination of singing and synchronized swimming was truly breathtaking.
Flash celebrated their first anniversary on the 27th and 28th. I showed up to take pictures, however my cold was just starting to hit me at that time. It’s difficult enough to approach people in a loud and busy club, but doing this while I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die was too much for me. So sadly I wasn’t able to get enough for a full page of photos as we like to do for bar anniversaries, but we congratulate Flash nonetheless!
The ISCCA held their annual Investitures ceremony, for the first time at Club Sapien. It was certainly the busiest Investitures that Steve and I have seen in recent memory. There was a staggering lineup of numbers that went well past the anticipated ending time, but all in all it was a really entertaining show.
If you were wondering, yes I did make some visible progress on our front yard fence for Snoopy. The long spell of rain did put a damper on this, and I think I might have made myself sick from working in the wet conditions. There is still a good deal of work to be done, but with such beautiful weather, it should not be a problem once I’m better. Once again I’m proving to be a quick study when it comes to being handy around the house, but part of that learning comes from making mistakes. For one, I will be buying shorter screws.
June 2010
As major community events go, we are back to the grindstone for June. Coming up first is Edmonton Pride, followed immediately by Lethbridge Pride. Then at the end of the month is the ARGRA Rodeo. That’s a whole lot of fun cut out for all of us! As a sponsor of all of these events, GayCalgary & Edmonton Magazine brings together information about them (and more) in this very packed June edition.
You may be wondering why this month’s cover looks like something that we should be saving for an October edition. As fabulous as that would be, it would not be very timely. That’s because Elvira is coming to Calgary as part of the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo (June 17th to 19th), along with other major interviewees from this month: Johnathan Frakes, Tia Carrere, and Maile Flanagan.
Changing Printers
After having a rough several months with the quality of service from our long-time printers, we’ve made the tough decision to see if the grass is greener somewhere else. Last month was the final straw, after a delay due to some late ad submissions caused major repercussions for us. We received the print copies nearly a week late, and nowhere near the quality we have come to expect for our product. We couldn’t argue at that point; our former printers had already moved mountains to get us that much, and we couldn’t wait any longer to get magazines out on the shelves. It was a pretty miserable feeling for all of this to be completely out of our control, but with similar things having happened regularly to us since the start of the year, it was clearly time for us to move on. I can at least say this is not a burned bridge; if we need to return to them someday once things are sorted out, we may.
The new printers that we are trying out are actually not new to us at all. They turn out to be the same company that printed issues #1 and #2 for us. Since that time, technology has changed and their equipment has improved, and they are able to offer us full colour glossy throughout the whole magazine for a price on par with what we were paying previously for only the outer 32 pages in colour glossy and the rest black and white. We’ve made a slight trade off on the paper stock for now; we will see how this turns out and adjust accordingly in coming months.
Being colour throughout certainly offers us more freedom in the way we position content in the magazine. Previously we had to be very strategic in order to make the best use of our colour space. Now we can start to arrange things in a more logical manner. Offering black and white advertising spots technically no longer makes sense, but we will continue to offer them for the time being and re-evaluate whether we continue offering them next year. Black and white ads will simply appear in grayscale on our colour pages.
Ultimately, I think this will be a step up for us. So please bare with us through these growing pains.
Community
Early last month on Mother’s day, shortly after his birthday party, we received the sad news that Barry Gagliardi had passed away. He was discovered to have a brain tumour last year in September, and despite efforts to remove it, the tumour continued to grow. His partner Ron, and other close friends and family were understandably devastated, and needed time to mourn.
Club Sapien, the Backlot, FAB, and Texas Lounge all contributed their support in various ways to help the Calgary Eagle stay operating during this tough time, for which the Calgary Eagle has asked us to pass along their deepest gratitude. A memorial service was held for Barry a few days later that friends, family, community members and former students attended, or sent along their condolences.
The Calgary Eagle will be hosting a celebration of Barry’s life for the whole community on June 25th.