Last month I focused on the attributes of being a gay or lesbian parent. Despite our best efforts at parenting, do our children suffer or benefit in significant ways? Let’s have a look at what we know from the psychological research done to date on this topic.

As I explained in November’s column, the best statistical technique we have to assess the effect that something is having on people is meta-analysis, a method whereby the findings from several studies are analyzed simultaneously. A meta-analysis published in 1996, based upon 18 studies, found that there were no differences between the emotional adjustment and sexual orientation of children raised by homosexual and heterosexual parents. [1]

Beyond meta-analysis, there are also several comprehensive literature reviews published regarding the impact on children of being raised by gay or lesbian parents. [2, 3, 4, 5] Some of the adjustment variables measured in the studies reviewed included (a) gender identity, gender role conformity, and sexual orientation; (b) self-esteem and self-concept, (c) personality, (d) locus of control, (e) moral judgment, (f) intelligence, (g) relationships with peers, parents, and extended family, (h) emotional functioning; and (i) behavioural adjustment. Each literature review concludes with the same message: there are variations, of course, between individuals, but overall, children raised by lesbian and gay parents show typical adjustment compared to those raised by heterosexual parents.

Furthermore, in a study conducted in the mid 80s, children raised by heterosexual parents viewed themselves as more aggressive than did children raised by lesbian mothers, and the parents and teachers also rated them as bossier, more domineering, and as more negative. [6] A different study found that the adolescent children of lesbian mothers reported greater psychological femininity compared to their peers with heterosexual mothers, contradicting a myth that lesbian women are lacking in femininity. [7] Children raised by homosexual parents also appear to express feelings better and display greater empathy for social diversity compared to their heterosexually-raised counterparts, although this may be an artefact of gay and lesbian marginality. [8] Although children raised by gay and lesbian parents are no more likely to self-identify as homosexual themselves as compared to those raised by heterosexuals, there are indications that they are more likely to consider engaging in same-sex behaviour and/or to consider alternate sexual identities. [9, 10] Some questions that have yet to be explored in psychological research include whether children raised by gay and lesbian parents are more likely to display tolerance for viewpoints different from their own, and whether they will be more adept at manoeuvring through a multicultural Canadian landscape. [11]

By now, you’re thinking that study after study confirms that we are not harming our children in any way, and that in fact we may be doing them a service compared to heterosexual parenting. However, two recent books have indicated that children will inevitably feel shame and a sense of loss when they discover their parent’s homosexuality. [12] These authors stress that the gay or lesbian parent can help to offset this by providing high quality care for their children and by continuing to maintain a close and harmonious parent-child relationship. Children raised by homosexual parents will often fear reprisal when peers find out about their parent’s sexuality, and homophobia and other forms of stigmatization does get directed at some children. In one sample, 50 percent of the children experienced homophobia. [13] In a review of 23 studies, however, three of which included gay fathers, “few or no incidents of serious teasing, harassment, and bullying” was reported. [14] Other researchers express greater concern regarding the stress that the children of gay and lesbian parents may experience. [15, 16]

There are several problems with the research in this area, by the way. Here are a few: (a) the research has often been done by those that are already advocates for gay and lesbian parenting – this can create some unconscious bias in how the study is designed and executed; (b) the sample size in these studies is generally quite small, thereby increasing the likelihood of type II errors (this means that differences between homosexual and heterosexual groups are not found statistically, even though actual differences may exist); (c) those who take part in gay and lesbian research are generally well-educated, well-informed, and of the middle class – this sampling bias may mean that only the more competent and well-adjusted parents and their children end up participating in the research.

Nonetheless, the available research is all we have until further studies with larger sample sizes and better representation from the queer community are conducted. Also, some writers have raised a very important point that has often been overlooked or downplayed. Comparing gay and lesbian parents and their children to heterosexuals further fosters the very ideology that we take exception to – namely, that the world of heterosexuals is the only “normal” or “acceptable” way for us to be, and if we or our children deviate in any sense, there must be a problem with us and/or our parenting abilities. In other words, we perpetuate heterosexist thinking when we are constantly comparing ourselves to the heterosexual majority.

For example, in one study of children born by donor insemination and raised by lesbian parents from inception, the researcher found that the children reported greater stress compared to children raised by heterosexual mothers (who formed the control group), but that they also reported that they felt more joy, contentment, and comfort. In other words, they expressed more negative and positive feelings. The researcher did suggest that this might simply mean that these children have been taught to express their emotions better within a lesbian household, or that perhaps these children are indeed more stressed. [17]

It wouldn’t be difficult to imagine why the children of gay and lesbian parents might be more stressed compared to those being raised by a heterosexual parent(s). Our society continues to espouse the view that “straight is better,” and until we correct these messages at a macro level, I suspect we will continue to see our children feel, at times, embarrassed or “shamed” that they have a gay or lesbian parent(s). The problem, however, is not with us, and it is not with them either. The problem is endemic to a society that does not value all people equally.

Children, for example, are teased and harassed for endless numbers of differences, such as if they come from a single-parent family, if they have ethnically- or racially-diverse parents, if they have a funny-sounding first or last name, if they are fat, if they are skinny, if they have a big nose, if they are shorter, if they are taller, or if they are poorer. So long as we embrace a view that some people are more deserving of respect and caring than other people, we all end up impoverished and figuratively – and sometimes literally – “bullied.” The children of gay and lesbian parents are no exception..

Dr. Alderson is an assistant professor of counselling psychology at the University of Calgary who specializes in gay and lesbian studies. He also maintains a private practice. He can be contacted by confidential email at alderson@ucalgary.ca, or by confidential voice mail at (403) 605-5234.

References:

1) Allen, M., & Burrell, N. (1996). Comparing the impact of homosexual and heterosexual parents on children: Meta analysis of existing research. Journal of Homosexuality, 32(2), 19 35.

2) Tasker, F. (2005). Lesbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children: A review. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 26(3), 224 240.

3) Patterson, C. J. (2003). Children of lesbian and gay parents. In L. D. Garnets & D. C. Kimmel (Eds.), Psychological perspectives on lesbian, gay, and bisexual experiences (2nd ed.). (pp. 497 548). New York: Columbia University Press.

4) Anderssen, N., Amlie, C., & Ytteroy, E. A. (2002). Outcomes for children with lesbian or gay parents: A review of studies from 1978 to 2000. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, 43(4), 335 351.

5) Fitzgerald, B. (1999). Children of lesbian and gay parents: A review of the literature. Marriage & Family Review, 29(1), 57 75.

6) Patterson (2003).

7) Ibid.

8) Stacey & Biblarz (2001).

9) Tasker (2005).

10) Stacey, J., & Biblarz, T. J. (2001). (How) does the sexual orientation of parents matter? American Sociological Review, 66, 159-183.

11) Patterson (2003).

12) Chui, W. H. (2006). Review of sons talk about their gay fathers: Life curves and how it feels to have a gay or lesbian parent: a book by kids for kids of all ages. Journal of Family Studies, 12(1), 133 134.

13) Gartrell, N., Rodas, C., Deck, A., Peyser, H., & Banks, A. (2006). The USA National Lesbian Family Study: Interviews with mothers of 10 year olds. Feminism & Psychology, 16(2), 175 192.

14) Anderssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy (2002).

15) Cameron, P., & Cameron, K. (1996). Homosexual parents. Adolescence, 31(1), 757 776.

16) Cameron, P., & Cameron, K. (2002). Children of homosexual parents report childhood difficulties. Psychological Reports, 90, 71 82.

17) Patterson (2003)..