To say that her life has been eventful since Bif Naked graced the August 2005 cover of our magazine would be an understatement. After speaking candidly about the isolation and loneliness of being a celebrity, she met, fell for, and married Vancouver sportswriter Ian Walker in September 2007. In January 2009, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. A year and a half later, Bif has beaten the disease, released a new album, and is about to return to her home away from home, the stage with an extensive tour. “It is like everyone’s life. Things change for people, life always hands you surprises. You should never predict what is going to happen from year to year,” she said of her battle. “It is because I’ve got a big mouth. The universe hands me things that it wants me to go fucking blab about. I was like ‘are you kidding me?!’ But I can’t complain. I had a good time in the chemo wards making my Don Rickles impersonations and doing my thing. I was really lucky. I was in a couple of clinical trials where I worked with other women who were going through treatment and that was a really beautiful experience for me.” GayCalgary and Edmonton Magazine chatted for almost an hour with Bif from her Vancouver home. Never one to shy away, she spoke openly about many topics that may be difficult for most to speak of. The thing that comes through quickly from Bif is her incredibly positive attitude. ”Much to my parent’s chagrin I find humor in everything. There is always something funny in everything we experience, and cancer treatment for me was no different. There is a lot of crazy stuff that goes on as a patient that no one can anticipate for you because every patient is different. It is just not like me not to make a joke about something that people find uncomfortable. In our society people don’t like talking about being sick, death, cancer or diseases. In our society in Canada it is not polite. I am not known for being polite when it comes to taboo topics. So yeah I have a dent in my tit and am kind of yellow. But there is a makeup company called Mac. Confuse and distract with red lipstick and always wear high heels in the chemo ward and trust me you are going to feel better.” When asked about being an inspiration to people who have been or will be diagnosed, she insists that it was them that inspired her. ”I see so many women and men, I met every single cancer patient type in the chemo wards when I was there. I spent a lot of time with people. Everyone is equally strong. I met a 32-year-old hot Italian guy with colon cancer and a colostomy bag. He told me a story about getting naughty in the sack and his colostomy bag burst! In the sack, can you imagine? We were both hooked up to these machines and we were rolling with laughter. It was so funny. Everybody’s got a story, and has had a hell of a time. Other patients inspire me, they do. I didn’t do anything remarkable I just happen to be the one that looked different in the ward, the only cancer patient with 45 tattoos. There are a million warriors in there.” It’s not an easy thing for any couple to deal with, let alone one that has been married a month. Bif finally met her match in a gorgeous, funny Vancouver boy. “Ian is a sweetheart and I feel for him. An all-Canadian boy who is a Snoop Dog fan and a Kanye West fan but not a Bif Naked fan. He’s never seen one of my shows and when we met he couldn’t tell you one of my songs. He married this girl with all the tattoos. Suddenly he inherited a wife with two little dogs, and three weeks after our honeymoon I was diagnosed. So now he has a sick wife. It had to have been a mindfuck for Ian. It was overwhelming and very hard. The fact that we were able to get through the last year successfully and navigate, and learn first hand about each other’s coping mechanisms and survival techniques without any other foundation built, I am very encouraged by the result of that. He will see a show on this tour though because I am going to make him.” She was determined to release an album in 2009, and despite days when she could not physically get out of bed, the result is The Promise, in stores now. “There are days when I literally couldn’t go to work. I always wanted to. I had a lot of complications with the chemotherapy like a lot of patients do. I had 17 rounds of chemo every three weeks. I had a surgical port catheter implanted in my chest, which is where they stuck the needle, and that developed a blood clot. It was crazy but it was great. It was the only way I could get a year off tour. Let’s be honest, they wouldn’t give me a year off ever, in 20 years I never had a year off. I call it my ‘cancer vacation.’ Yeah I was sick and bald but I didn’t have to go back to Russia so that was kind of good.” The first single, Sick is an angry battle cry at the world. “I co-wrote that song with Jason (Darr, the album’s producer) and it is his guitar textures that make that song. As far as the lyrics go it really does cover all topics, from the seal hunt to Prop Fucking 8, which don’t get me started on. Things like that are happening in our fucking world right now, they make me sick. I know everybody has something in their life whether it is socio-political or not makes them sick. It is a song people can relate to for a lot of different reasons.” Another song on the album, Honeybee starts with the lyrics “There’s been a murder in my kitchen. I hit him hard, I hit him fast, I watched him die.” “That is a song about guilt. I did kill a bee, and I am not proud of it. I am afraid of bees like anybody. We all go back to our inner child that goes ‘Ahh! A bee!’ I was swinging and swatting at it and yeah, I got him. He hadn’t perished yet and I felt instantly bloody awful. I had to live with that so I wrote a song about it. I felt bad for days. I still feel bad when I think about it. After that I was subjected to the Bee Movie! It was awful! It makes me want to go build a temple or something.” Many will likely hear the song My Innocence and feel it is a song reflecting of her cancer experience. Surprisingly, the song was written several years ago. ”That song I wrote with a couple of songwriters named Curt Frasca and Sabelle Breer in New York City and is one of my favorite songs. As a lyricist and a vocalist you are always kind of singing about the same things; heartache, heartbreak, the yearning for love, loss of love. It is hard to find new ways to sing about the same thing. A song like My Innocence was a great challenge and I really love that song. It definitely resonates conceptually with cancer. You do kiss your innocence goodbye when you are suddenly shell-shocked with life.” Some may question how so much anger and heartbreak can be created musically by someone who is as head over heels in love as she is. “I will never write happy go-lucky songs. That is not what I write from. All of us are very flawed human beings, I have huge reserve tanks of shame, guilt, pain, heartache. If it is a really sad song or a fuck off song chances are it has nothing to do with Walker. He just shrugs I don’t think he listens to half the lyrics anyway.” A song that truly represents the bad break-up, and will certainly perk up LGBT ears, is Fuck You 2. She sings “Will he hold you like I hold you in the night. Can he tell you that he loves you when you’re mine.” There are a lot of different interpretations that can be made from the song. “That is a song Jason wrote, through and through. I loved that song, and love singing it. In my own personal life that has happened to me. I have been in that situation where you can be madly and deeply in love with someone and they with you, and depending on how genteel of a character they either have great tact in confessing their truth to you, or they do not. In my situation there was not a lot of tact involved in somebody who was not being all that forthright regarding their gender preference. We are still great friends he and I to be perfectly honest, but at the time it was surprising for me. It would have been equally surprising if he had been messing around with another girl. If you are lovers with someone you know all of the ins and outs of possibilities,” she reflected. “All of those things are great possibilities in anyone’s life. At this point I am a pretty mainstream, square artist. It is not like I am Peaches or anything. A lot of the fan base I do have is a pretty homogenous bunch. If there is any possibility that I can play a part, no matter how small, to open up dialogue and awareness and acknowledgement then I am happy. That is awesome. I think it is important and my responsibility as an artist. If someone says ‘here is a soapbox for you to stand on and talk and these people who are normally pretty square are going to listen to what you have to say’ I want to make sure I get in some conversation that is really important and needs to be talked about.” Bif has been rehearsing to go out on tour in recent weeks, and discovering how difficult some of the songs will be to perform. The song Blue Jay in particular hits home. Her bichon frisé Anastasia died while she was laying the vocals for the track. “It wasn’t a bad thing. She was 10. The day I had my first chemo last January Anna had her sixth back surgery. She and I convalesced together for most of the springtime. After that she was doing awesome. We had such a great year. It is the first time I have ever been home for that long, so it was Niklas and Anna and I in Mommy-baby dog heaven. I was practically breast-feeding these two, it was so nice being home with them for such a long period of time. I get up at 3:30 every fucking day, and I make all of their food. I put the rice cooker on every day, and Anastasia would come out when she heard the rice cooker click. That dog has a hollow leg she is always hungry. She didn’t come out, so I went in to look at her. She was lying on the bathroom floor, it is nice and cool in there. I said ‘Hi baby, what’s shaking?’ She just kind of looked at me and I thought it was her back again, because we are so well rehearsed in that. I called the critical care place at 8 and they said to bring her in and give her an ultrasound. I went in and they said they would call me in an hour, it was routine we had done it so many times.” Assuming Anastasia was having the same issues that had resulted in 7 back surgeries, she headed for home. “She called me 20 minutes later and asked ‘Are you far? I think you need to come back here.’ They found a tumor in her liver. I couldn’t believe it, it was out of nowhere. ‘Oh Anna, you did that all by yourself in secret.’ The tumor had burst, so she only had a couple of hours left. I’m a hippy so we did breathing together and I got to hold her and we had our little talk and lots of kisses. Then Anna got her wings. I have to look at it like that. She is up there snacking on god knows what, probably eating goose poop and waiting for Nik and I to come and join her. I had a really beautiful experience with her. I was sad because I miss her, and I still have a big shrine in my house I can’t do anything with. They gave me her ashes and I can’t imagine anywhere to put them other then the bed with us. So I have this shrine and Nick and I have a routine, we go and talk to her. Nik is now very spoiled, he is 12 years old and has no teeth, bites and won’t stop barking. He remains the love of my life. Animals are funny, they are our kids.” While that song in particular may be difficult to sing, she is excited to get back on tour. She plays the Boonstock Festival outside of Edmonton on June 27th and the Coca-Cola Stage at the Calgary Stampede July 11th. “I am really nervous because it has been awhile. I had an ovarectomy two weeks ago, I was in the cancer centre this morning. I juggle it. I am getting kicked out which is great but even if you get an all clear you are still dealing with a lot of the residual side effects from the chemotherapy and radiation. Radiation was a fucking gong show for me. Chemotherapy they basically try to kill you and just bring you back from the brink of death. It has been a really incredible year all around to say the least. I can’t complain,” she said, adding she can’t wait to perform for her loyal fan base again. “They have totally supported me through everything. I have been playing in Calgary since 1989. I was underage playing the clubs in Calgary and those old all ages punk shows. I have so many great memories of Calgary. It is really emotional for me to go back on the road. I dedicated this record to my fans, which is the first time I have ever done that. There were days when I didn’t want to work, sing, go to the studio I just wanted to hide and crawl back inside myself. I had a photograph of an audience that someone took from behind my back when I was onstage. That photo was in the front of my little cancer binder, and I looked at it every day. That was my motivation. I don’t yet know the gravity of how important it is going to be for me psychologically to go see everyone and go ‘Holy fuck, how have you been? I’ve been ok to, let’s play some songs.’ It is going to be very beautiful and emotional.” That probably won’t be a direct quote. A few years ago when playing the Stampede Naked let out a few fun curse words on stage while her manager frantically signaled for her to stop. She received a fine for swearing on stage. “Fear of getting in trouble, that will keep me on the right path. I don’t know that it would be fair to modify Fuck You 2, I don’t think it will be as fun. I am hoping we are still allowed to play it as is. Regardless I respect the Stampede and am happy to play there, it is just how it goes. There will be little kids that are there.” Often times when interviewed for GLBT publications, an artist has a message to say specifically to this demographic of their fans. In the case of Bif Naked, who has long been open about her fluid sexuality, her closing words were a message she would share with anyone who loves her and her music. ”I love you. I Love You. I LOVE YOU! There is a lot to say, like ‘oh see you at pride’ or ‘my best friend in the world is a lesbian who plays on a lesbian baseball team!’ What do you say that you wouldn’t say to anyone else? For me, it is a common fact that I have no gender preference. If Ian was the same soul in a woman’s body I would have married ‘Ianette.’ But he’s not. I think that anyone who cares about people and their feelings and human nature, everyone is trying to make it through this world and navigate through all the bullshit. Let’s just live our lives, be healthy and happy, love who we want and feel loved and important. We are all in it together.”
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