Bullying has long been the scourge of growing up. Any kid who can’t seem to “fit in” bears the brunt of bullying from his or her peers.
For years, such harassment was dismissed as “teasing.” In recent years, it has begun to be seen for what it is – victimizing and cruel harassment. Parent groups and others have long spoken out against the behaviour and, too often, school districts and teachers have done nothing or very little to stop it.
The effects of bullying can last a lifetime. Anxiety disorders, depression, low self-esteem and other emotional and even mental ailments can plague the victims of bullying into adulthood. Bullying is not just “something kids do,” it is an assault against the person and should not be tolerated.
The Regina city council recently passed a bylaw making it illegal to, among other things, bully anyone in any public place or through written or electronic communication. It also makes it an offence to take pictures or videos of a fight and post it online.
Bullying is defined as “comments or conduct intended to ’intimidate, humiliate or isolate’ people in a way that causes ’physical or emotional distress,’” according to a recent CBC.ca wire story. Fines range from $100 to $2,000. However, the bylaw doesn’t apply to children under the age of 12. In cases involving youths between 12 and 16, parents will face the fine. It also doesn’t address domestic violence or workplace bullying, which are covered by different laws.
Not unlike many gay kids, I was bullied and terrorized growing up. I was a nice kid and just wanted others to like me. Instead, I was ostracized, called names, chased home, beaten up, embarrassed in class, pushed around in the boys’ locker room, and had my school books tossed into the showers. More often than not I sat by myself at lunch, barely able to choke down my sandwiches because of the knots in my throat and stomach and feelings of dread every day brought.
Not so deep inside me is that traumatized 14-year old boy, desperate to be accepted, to have cool friends, to be comfortable in social settings and not be waiting for the very guys I wanted to like me to use my humiliations for their own amusement.
A hundred dollar fine, or even a $2,000 fine, would not have balanced things out much. It certainly would not have made these kids like me more; in fact, it probably would have made things worse in some respects. So what do we do?
Education and ‘sensitivity-training’ haven’t worked well. Adolescence is a particularly self-absorbed time in ones life. Empathy is too often reserved for ones own clique, and what kid wants the sympathy of the peers he is so desperate to be accepted by? If education or appealing to ones better nature don’t work, then sometimes the only thing left is punishment. Of course, it is not the kids being mini-terrorists who are penalized, it is their parents.
Almost without exception, the parents of these little shits protest that their child would never do such a thing; that Tyler or Brendalee is a loving, respectful, caring child. Such parents do not see, or choose not to see, the Jekyll and Hyde all teenagers are. Bullies are often part of the “in crowd,” and jealous of any threat, real or perceived, to their own status. Bullying is a way to solidify that position.
A 1999 University of British Columbia study showed 61-80 per cent of respondents said bullies are often popular and enjoy high status among their peers. 25-33 per cent said bullying is sometimes OK and/or that it is OK to pick on ‘losers,’ and 20-50 per cent said bullying can be a good thing (makes people tougher, is a good way to solve problems, etc.).
As members of a civil society, we can choose not to indulge our darker sides in this manner. Children and young people are learning how to live in that civil society and it is up to parents to teach their offspring the rules. If the parents are incapable of doing so, if they allow their offspring to harass, intimidate, bully, and make life hell for another child or youth, the ultimate responsibility must lie with the parents. They birthed them, they raised them, and the child is as it has been trained, or allowed, to be.
If parents are unaware of what their own child is up to and the behaviour is brought to their attention, they have a responsibility – a moral and ethical, and now legal responsibility – to correct the behaviour. If they are unwilling or incapable of doing so, then the law will step in and help ensure the parents meet their responsibilities. Nothing like a $2,000 fine to help Mom and Dad start cracking down on Tyler and Brendalee’s behaviour outside the home….
