I often suffer from seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression caused by the onset of shorter hours of sunshine and my lesser likelihood of wanting to spend time outdoors. But that is just one of the many conditions that can affect our moods and our ability to cope. Fact is, queer individuals in general have a harder time coping emotionally compared with most straights. [1, 2, 3] Many also suffer from a loss of true connectedness to family, and this can feel especially difficult during the festive season. It’s a bit ironic that the time we are supposed to be happiest (i.e., around Christmas) is the time that many people have the most difficult time feeling it.
When homosexuality was declassified as a mental disorder by the American Psychiatric Association in 1973, it did so because research had demonstrated that gay and lesbian individuals are no more disturbed than heterosexual individuals. [4] That research freed us from most of the barbaric treatments that we had been subjected to (e.g., electroshock, castration). [5] However, more recent research has shown that gays and lesbians are more likely to suffer from stress-related disorders, like anxiety and depression. [6] This, in turn, has been linked to the fact that we experience discrimination and oppression – even today. [7] If you doubt this, start necking with your same-sex partner in a mall and see how well received it is.
Frightening indeed, gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth, ages 14 to 21, continue to report much higher rates of attempted suicide (over 30 percent) compared to straight youth, [8] and a higher risk of suicide compared to heterosexual individuals for those aged 20 to 44 years of age as well! [9] You might also think that sexual minorities are “gentler” compared to those who are straight because we have to face a lot more adversity – but the rates of same-sex couples experiencing intimate partner violence is about the same as that experienced by opposite-sex couples: between 25 to 35 percent of all couples. [10]
Bisexual and transsexual individuals often suffer the most compared with the other sexual minority groups. One study compared the mental health of bisexual participants to homosexual and heterosexual ones and found that the bisexual group suffered the most emotionally, followed by the homosexual group. The heterosexual group was reportedly the healthiest. The measures these researchers used looked at anxiety, depression, and negative affect. Both the bisexual and homosexual groups were high on suicidality – again reflecting a genuine vulnerability. [11]
My own experience and some readings tell me that gay and lesbian individuals are adept at using a defence mechanism called denial; I wrote about this in my book Breaking Out. [12] Denial is when you either refuse to believe or when you are blind to something in the first place that is affecting your life in a negative way. Individuals dependent on alcohol or drugs who cannot see the damage the drug is causing them emotionally, mentally, physically, or behaviourally are victims of denial. I believe denial is a prevalent defence with all sexual minorities, and I suspect that is one of the reasons we have elevated reports of anxiety, depression, and suicidality. When we are denying, we are escaping, and escape can take many forms.
So maybe you are not coping well right now, right this very second. What do you do? The first thing is to get a sense of how bad you actually feel. If you feel that you need to end your life right now, then immediate help is necessary. One approach is to phone your local distress line or centre: in Calgary, call (403) 266-1605 and in Edmonton, call (780) 482-4357. Both operate 24-hours a day. If you live elsewhere, look on the first page of your white pages telephone book for a listing of emergency services.
Another approach is to get yourself to the emergency department of any hospital and let them know how bad you really feel. I know this can be embarrassing – I’ve had to do it myself before. The fact is, once you are feeling better, you will be amazed your mind ever gave you the thoughts that it did. Trust me on this.
If your emotional blues have not turned to the above worst-case scenario, you still should not waste precious time believing the problems will go away on their own. You may give yourself two weeks to make it happen, and if after that time the problem remains, you probably need to seek help from someone else.
During the two weeks you work at changing your emotional reaction, put into action the coping skills you already have at your disposal. Some examples include (a) focus on whether there is an actual solution to the problem (e.g., if you are broke, you need a job); (b) social support – hanging out and talking to friends can be enormously helpful; (c) physical activity – aerobic exercise – like swimming, dancing, cycling, fast walking – is particularly helpful in reducing emotional tensions; and (d) spiritual solutions – sometimes prayer and meditation are very helpful during times of stress.
Another approach is to change the way you look at whatever is bothering you. If you have recently experienced a break up for instance, your thoughts might be getting unrealistic, such as believing you are unlovable and that you will never find another person like your ex. Change this thinking to something more rational, like “I am lovable despite this relationship not working out,” and “In truth, I am compatible with many, many potential mates. Once I have healed, I will be ready to seek out another relationship. Furthermore, what I have learned – both good and bad – from my recent relationship will serve me well in finding a better partner and in becoming a better partner myself.” Life experience is there to teach us something useful about ourselves, our needs, and our preferences.
Talking to a counsellor or psychologist can make an incredible difference when you need someone to provide objective feedback and an objective perspective. Furthermore, a masters-level psychologist has received at least six years of university training and a doctoral-level psychologist at least eight. Their training has provided them expertise in dealing with people who need help, however mild or severe the problem might be.
If you can afford to see a psychologist in private practice, the recommended rate from the Psychologists Association of Alberta is now $160.00 per hour, [13] although practitioners are entitled to charge more or less – and many do. Calling your provincial psychologists’ association is a good way to get a referral to someone who works with sexual minorities. Another resource is to call your local queer information service - in Calgary, call (403) 234-8973 and in Edmonton, (780) 488-3234.
If you seek inexpensive or free counselling services, there are usually options where you live. I only have contact information for three centres in Calgary.
1. Eastside Clinic – Phone (403) 299-9696 (free one-session counselling service).
2. Distress Centre – Phone (403) 265-4980 (crisis service and free limited counselling provided).
3. Calgary Counselling Centre – Phone (403) 265-4980 (sliding fee scale and ongoing counselling provided).
If you live outside Calgary, check with your local queer information service or city or township information service. Any of the emergency services listed on the first page of your white pages telephone book can also refer you to these free and low-cost services.
I sincerely hope our holiday season is filled with the connectedness to others that helps us stay mentally and emotionally healthy. You are a beautiful person, even if you do not feel this today. Tomorrow does happen, and when it does, don’t forget to once more find the beginnings of self-love and acceptance.
With appreciation,
Dr. Alderson

Dr. Alderson is an associate professor of counselling psychology at the University of Calgary who specializes in gay and lesbian studies. He also maintains a private practice. He can be contacted by confidential email at alderson@ucalgary.ca, or by confidential voice mail at 605-5234.
References:
References:
1) D’Augelli, A. R. (2002). Mental health problems among lesbian, gay, and bisexual youths ages 14 to 21. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 7(3), 433 456.
2) Jorm, A. F., Korten, A. E., Rodgers, B., Jacomb, P. A., & Christensen, H. (2002). Sexual orientation and mental health: Results from a community survey of young and middle aged adults. British Journal of Psychiatry, 180(5), 423 427.
3) Koh, A. S., & Ross, L. K. (2006). Mental health issues: A comparison of lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual women. Journal of Homosexuality, 51(1), 33 57.
4) Bayer, R. (1981). Homosexuality and American psychiatry. New York: Basic Books, pp. 121-142.
5) Bohan, J. S. (1996). Psychology and sexual orientation: Coming to terms. New York: Routledge.
6) Jorm et al. (2002).
7) Mays, V. M., & Cochran, S. D. (2001). Mental health correlates of perceived discrimination among lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults in the United States. American Journal of Public Health, 91, 1869-1876.
8) D’Augelli (2002).
9) Jorm et al. (2002).
10) McClennen, J. C. (2005). Domestic violence between same gender partners: Recent findings and future research. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 20(2), 149 154.
11) Jorm et al. (2002).
12) Alderson, K. (2002). Breaking out: The complete guide to building and enhancing a positive gay identity for men and women. Toronto, ON: Insomniac Press.
13)Retrieved December 3, 2007 from http://www.psychologistsassociation.ab.ca/pages/Recommended_Fee_Schedule