“Bi’s are too straight for the gay community and they’re too queer for the straight community” [1] (quote from a bisexual man)

I have often met people who define themselves as bisexual. I used to wonder – and perhaps you still do – as to whether this identity status is only a segue into eventually adopting a gay or lesbian identity. I have also been aware that there are several meanings to the word bisexual: it can represent behaviour, attraction, a self-definition, the propensity to fall in love romantically with either gender, or a combination of these. In this column, I will offer some of what we know about bisexuality from the published psychological literature.

In a nutshell, here are some of the findings: (a) self-identified bisexuals exist in significant numbers, (b) most do not fit the stereotypes others hold toward them, (c) they are a heterogeneous group who experience many different lifestyles, (d) their identity development is more complex and less linear than gay and lesbian identity development, (e) both the heterosexual and homosexual communities discriminate against them [2], and (f) bisexuals as a group desire polyamorous relationships more than gay men, lesbians, or heterosexuals. [3]

An Australian study based on the lives of 60 bisexual men and women found that most of them were currently in relationships with a partner of the opposite sex. [4] Other research suggested that about three-quarters of bisexual men and women are in primary relationships with the opposite sex. Nonetheless, most bisexual people prefer to establish a primary relationship with one partner before they attempt to arrange an open relationship, thereby allowing them to explore sexual possibilities with other individuals. [5] Monogamy is also a choice made by many bisexuals, totalling about 25 percent in the Australian study noted above.

Bisexuals experience a “lack of validation, isolation, and ostracism from both heterosexual and lesbian/gay communities.” [6] It appears that many people believe that bisexuals are on a path toward becoming gay or lesbian, and that is indeed true for many, but not all, bisexually-identified individuals. Some bisexual individuals begin with a gay or lesbian self-identification for example, and later re-define as bisexual. There are also many individuals who have significant sexual relationships with members of both sexes at some time in their lifetimes who never define as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. [7] In a large sample of self-identified college students in the U.S., about 30 percent of the women and 12 to 19 percent of the men reported having sexual feelings or preferences for the same and other sex. [8] Most of these individuals will not go on to develop a sexual minority self-identification.

Clearly, a good percentage of people, regardless of their sexual self-definition, experience some degree of bisexual interest. What then differentiates those who will eventually define as bisexual instead of heterosexual, gay, or lesbian? Here I will defer to a large scale study by researcher Paula Rust. Her study was based on 917 male and female individuals who were either attracted to both genders or who had sexual contact with both women and men. When asked what their bisexual identity meant to them, most individuals referred to “their potential to be sexually, emotionally, and/or romantically attracted to members of both sexes or genders.” [9] Behaviour alone was not sufficient to provide oneself the label of “bisexual.” People could define as bisexual who were monogamous with one person, or if they never had sex with one or both genders. The key meaning underlying a bisexual identity was about “potential.” As I have defined elsewhere, “sexual orientation is the interaction between affect and cognition such that it produces attraction, erotic desire, and ultimately philia for members of the opposite gender, the same gender, or both. [10] Philia is a term meaning having feelings of love for. A bisexual individual is consequently an individual who has the capacity to fall in love romantically with members of either sex. Rarely, however, are bisexual individuals erotically disposed toward both genders equally: more commonly, the attraction and predisposition to fall in love is more strongly oriented toward one sex. [11] Many bisexuals “report that they are attracted to qualities of particular people rather than aspects of gender per se.” [12] This finding contrasts with the experience of gay men, lesbians, and heterosexuals.

One might assume that arriving at an accurate assessment of oneself as having bisexuality as a sexual orientation is more challenging than for accurately self-defining as either gay or lesbian. It is true that bisexuals usually come out later than gays and lesbians, but this might be because they receive little support from others for having a sexual orientation that does not fit into the binary categories of either homosexual or heterosexual. [13] One author claims that the hallmark of a bisexual identity is having continued uncertainty [14], meaning that they themselves are also challenged by having attraction to both genders as they attempt to navigate their desires in a society that still likes to see things sexually as either/or.

Therapists working with those who self-identify as bisexual cannot assume that all of these individuals are simply avoiding their own homosexuality. [15] Most of the current research available on this topic suggests that some individuals are truly bisexual in their sexual orientation.

Having the ability to fall in love with either gender strikes me as a particular gift that ought to be cherished and nurtured. Most of us will never have the experience of enjoying feelings of romantic love in this way toward both men and women.

Dr. Alderson is an assistant professor of counselling psychology at the University of Calgary who specializes in gay and lesbian studies. He also maintains a private practice. He can be contacted by confidential email at alderson@ucalgary.ca, or by confidential voice mail at (403) 605-5234.

References:

[1] Bradford, M. (2004). The bisexual experience: Living in a dichotomous culture. Journal of Bisexuality, 4(1-2), 7-23.
[2] Ibid
[3] Dworkin, S. H. (2001). Treating the bisexual client. In Session: Psychotherapy in Practice, 57, 671-680.
[4] McLean, K. (2004). Negotiating (non)monogamy: Bisexuality and intimate relationships. Journal of Bisexuality, 4(1-2), 83-97.
[5] Ibid
[6] Israel, T., & Mohr, J. J. (2004). Attitudes toward bisexual women and men: Current research, future directions. Journal of Bisexuality, 4(1-2), 117-134.
[7] Ellis, A. L., & Mitchell, R. W. (2000). Sexual orientation. In L. T. Szuchman & F. Muscarella (Eds.), Psychological perspectives on human sexuality (pp. 196-231). New York: John Wiley & Sons.
[8] Hoburg, R., Konik, J., Williams, M., & Crawford, M. (2004). Bisexuality among self-identified heterosexual college students. Journal of Bisexuality, 4(1-2), 25-36.
[9] Rust, P. C. (2001). Two many and not enough: The meanings of bisexual identities. Journal of Bisexuality, 1(1), 31-68.
[10] Alderson, K. G. (2005). Counselling gay males. In N. Arthur & S. Collins (Eds.), Culture-infused counselling: Celebrating the Canadian mosaic (pp. 461-492). Calgary, AB: Counselling Concepts.
[11] Blumstein, P. W., & Schwartz, P. (1993). Bisexuality: Some social psychological issues. In L. D. Garnets & D. C. Kimmel (Eds.), Psychological perspectives on lesbian and gay male experiences (pp. 168-183). New York: Columbia University Press.
[12] Zinik, G. (1985). Identity conflict or adaptive flexibility? Bisexuality reconsidered. Journal of Homosexuality, 11(1-2), 7-19.
[13] Dworkin, S. H. (2000). Individual therapy with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients. In R. M. Perez, K. A. Debord, & K. J. Bieschke (Eds.), Handbook of counseling and psychotherapy with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients (pp. 157-182). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
[14] Bohan, J. S. (1996). Psychology and sexual orientation: Coming to terms. New York: Routledge.
[15] Ellis, A. L., & Mitchell, R. W. (2000).