I wrote a Queer Quest column on spiritual and religious conflicts back in August 2006 (you can access it from the GayCalgary.com archive). I became inspired to write this month’s column about the United Church after meeting David Drake at the 2006 OutRights Conference held in Calgary.

Over time, I plan to write occasionally on the topic of spirituality and will include several other churches that are queer affirming (e.g., the Metropolitan Community Church, Reform Judaism, and Unitarian Universalism). This month is about the United Church, and my caveat in doing so is that you understand the column is not intended to “convert” the reader to this faith. Instead, as always, my intent is to educate and inform.

I will begin with some information contained in the official website of the United Church of Canada [1] before moving into some excerpts from my interview with David Drake on September 18th, 2007. David is an ordained out-gay minister at the Symons Valley United Church in Calgary, Alberta. At this point in time – the only one.

The United Church of Canada is the largest Protestant denomination in Canada with ministry to nearly three million people attending over 3,500 congregations. The church was actually a conglomeration of four existing churches that merged on June 10, 1925: (a) the Methodist Church, (b) the Congregational Union, (c) 70 per cent of the Presbyterian Church, and (d) the General Council of Union Churches, centred largely in Western Canada.

United Church theology suggests that what was experienced and written when the old and new testaments were created doesn’t always fit with today’s world. Church practices include elective baptism (i.e., they don’t believe the un-baptized are condemned, lost, or damned) and communion (i.e., eating small pieces of bread and either wine or juice as reminders of Jesus’ last supper and all that he stood for). Everyone who seeks to love Jesus is invited to share in their practices.

As Jesus is recorded to have welcomed everyone, the United Church of Canada does so as well. They go beyond most churches, however, in their welcoming of queer individuals who may or may not be celibate. They also took a stand to encourage Stephen Harper not to attempt re-opening the same-sex marriage debate (despite the fact he did). They take a serious stand on what a loving relationship represents, but they receive those who have either an opposite-sex or same-sex partner, including their openness to marrying either. Now David’s voice as Calgary’s only out-gay United Church minister (note: I have edited the transcript to make it more concise and readable):

Kevin: Tell me your understanding of how the United Church came to its current views toward queer individuals?

David: It was 1988 when all hell broke loose in the United Church. At the 32nd General Council, the national church said that there may be a lot of reasons why we may choose not to ordain someone in the United Church of Canada, but sexual orientation is not one of them. The decision was highly supported at that meeting, but in local churches throughout the country, there were deep divisions. The church is concerned about behaviour, but for everybody, heterosexual or otherwise.

Kevin: Are we talking about behaviour as in monogamy within a marital relationship, or simply inappropriate in some regard?

David: For example, I think some people might want to split hairs about whether you’re married or not. In the earlier days that decision was easier in a sense because you simply couldn’t be married if you were gay or lesbian. There wasn’t that much of splitting hairs, but some of the people who ended up leaving the church probably did.

Kevin: Were there United Church congregations that were already embracing of queer individuals prior to the 1988 decision?

David: Yes, but their voice was not too loud at the time. The people who are in the churches are the same people that walk up and down our streets. You will find pockets of people who are very affirming and others who are questioning and still working through processes. The difference in the United Church is that from a national perspective, which is comprised of clergy and lay people, they support an affirming stance and provide leadership for people to look at others in the same way.

I can’t guarantee that any United Church congregation you walk in to is going to be affirming or that all UC congregations look at this issue in the same light – every congregation has its personality and its makeup. United Churches are working on it [their stuff], and some doing an exemplary job. The church is a national denomination of faithful people who work at their understanding of the world in light of their faith.

Kevin: Where would you place the church right now – how far along is the United Church of Canada?

David: The United Church of Canada has a central organizing body that is very affirming in its stance, but that is not to say that all congregations in the United Church are affirming in their practices. Some parts of the country are very conservative but even within some of those areas you will find some congregations that are very affirming to queer folks. I think it is fair to say that most United Churches are not “Affirming” (which is a formal term used to publicly describe their intention) but that they continue to work with this issue. Although many United Churches hare not become formally Affirming, they may be very open in their practices and behaviour in accepting queer folks. I think the key here is to understand that the church continues to “take on” educational pursuits with regards to queer folks and raise awareness of the issue whereas other denominations simply say “NO” to queers.

The national church has a tolerant, accepting policy towards all kinds of diversity. The notion is to allow congregations the room to do their work and to keep encouraging them to be more accepting and more open toward people. The talk within church nationally and within many individual congregations is not about just tolerating different groups (i.e., “I’ll put up with you”), but it is about celebrating diversity. We celebrate who you are . . . period.

Kevin: Did the United Church embrace same-sex marriages in 2005 because it had already agreed to ordain gay/lesbian ministers in 1988?

David: When you say embracing, that is a pretty big word. You will find United Churches in Calgary (I won’t name them) who do not and may never embrace same-sex marriage, but at least five have gone through an affirming process over the past year, which affirms that they support gay and lesbian people and that they are welcome in their congregations and that same gender marriage is celebrated. There are currently 27 United Churches in Calgary.

Kevin: Is it up to each minister to decide for him/herself to perform same-sex marriages?

David: Each individual church has a board or similar governing body, and they are the ones that decide policies within their congregation. The minister is then expected to abide by whatever that policy is. Our marriage policy [at Symons Valley] is inclusive of all people. I perform same-sex marriages both within the church and outside of the church, and the church supports me on that. I have performed eight or nine so far.

Kevin: Do you also marry queer individuals who are not part of the United Church?

David: My license permits me to marry people, issued by the government. However, if the couple has no interest in the church, and no intention of getting involved in it in some way, why would they want to get married in the church? There is a disconnect there. There are many venues in which to get married in Calgary, so if there is no faith connection, why choose a church?

Kevin: I do some work with transsexual individuals in Calgary. Has the church become okay with this group, either pre-op and/or post-op?

David: The church has made affirming statements and continues to do so. However, understanding and growth are organic in nature – it’s always a work in progress. You have to keep working on it. That [i.e., transsexuality] is probably one of the growing areas where people are trying to simply understand what’s going on, and the same applies to bisexual people. For an affirming congregation, that is part of their process of moving toward acceptance. The one sexual minority group that congregations probably have the most difficulty with is bisexuality, in my opinion, even more than with transsexuality.

We are so moulded and shaped by everything we think, feel and experience in our lives. All through history, the church has been a big part of that, and it has not always been a good story. If you’ve been spoon fed everything and raise no questions about your learning or your belief system, your understanding may be quite limited or even flawed because on a personal or community level some of these issues are not wrestled with at all. I think we are all responsible for our own learning and understanding. If the person you look to for your learning is homophobic and you never question it – what have you learned?

The United Church has taken a lot of hits over the years because they leave the doors open for a process of lifelong learning and understanding, and the same is true regarding sexuality issues. That is different than simply saying or believing, “No, these things don’t exist. God doesn’t like it, or whatever.” That mentality shuts the door, and I suppose there are a lot of people for whom it makes life easier. “Okay, got the answer now, move on.” I don’t see faith issues in that way at all – it’s lifelong learning, and what I felt yesterday may not be the same as what I come to understand tomorrow. It is the rule of addition not subtraction, that we’re adding to our learning and not taking away from it. I guess that’s why I stay in the United Church and what attracted me to it. First of all, it’s open to a person like me. I’m not a radical person. When I came out as a gay man in the church, I used to tell people I just want my life, and it may look a little different from yours. Many families struggle with issues of sexual security and relationships and all that kind of stuff. It’s no different in the gay community. I sense that the people in my church get that!

Kevin: Tell me about your experience of being an out-gay minister.

David: I’ve only been out for four years and three within the church. On one occasion, a young woman in my congregation brought her fiancé to church with plans to marry in a few months. I included gay and lesbian people in one of our prayers, and he asked me about this after the service in an aggressive way. I said, “Yeah, who is not invited to the table? To life?” He became very agitated. The following Sunday, the woman came to church alone and told me that she had broken off the relationship with her fiancé because he told her that if the minister was supporting gay and lesbian people, he was not welcome in our home. She said, “I can’t marry a person like that.”

I haven’t had anyone be obnoxiously rude to me. People have asked me questions sometimes. When I came out at the church, only two families that I am aware of left. The experience for me was being objectified, no longer being talked about as a person – but being talked about as a gay. I had never been objectified before, and it felt very strange. I was being referred to in the third person. I give a lot out to people. The message coming back to me was you’re worthless because you’re gay, you can’t minister to me. What you say is no longer important, even though it has been for the past five years. Your pastoral skills, marrying people, burying our dead, that kind of stuff – it doesn’t seem to mean anything anymore. It is dismissive stuff that really bothers me when it happens. To some people, it’s like you no longer exist.

I never came out publicly by making any grand statement from the pulpit. Instead, I met with families and talked with them about it. I didn’t want what was affecting me personally to affect the congregation in a detrimental way. An elderly woman told me – a person had come up and said, “Do you know the minister is gay?” At that point she hadn’t, and the person offered to give her a ride to a more evangelical church. After a few minutes, the elderly woman responded with, “This has probably made David’s life very difficult.” There was no wavering on her support for the church or for me. There were other people who would come into my office and say to me, “This issue or problem is theirs – don’t make it yours.” That was their way of being supportive.

Another woman came in with a candle and a card (and this was a couple of weeks later – not an instantaneous sort of thing) and she said, “I have no doubt there are hills and valleys with this process, so when you have those days that are really difficult, I want you to light this candle and remember there are people here who love you and support you.” I wept and marvelled at that kind of support.

I was a little concerned about how some men would react. I was concerned about this one guy because I really liked him. In a private discussion, I asked him how he has reacted or responded to the news of me being gay. He stood back, looked at me and said, “You look the same now as you did yesterday.” I didn’t get any of that real heavy crap that I know some of my colleagues have – I feel pretty fortunate about that. I think there might be colleagues in the city who are really affected by that kind of fear, I don’t know.

Kevin: What are some of your reflections on the church and spirituality?

David: When we talk about faith, so often we hear about rules and regulations – this is what God said, this is what Jesus said, this is what the church says, do this or that or something else. Everything deserves study and interpretation to the best of our abilities. In terms of the bible, we are talking about sacred documents that were written thousands of years ago, which have a lot of merit and a lot of truth within their pages, but there’s a more to our faith and understanding than just the bible.

The main issue for me, which I preach about from time to time as a reminder, is that the faith and living issues that Jesus talks to us about are primarily about relationships – how to build up relationships, not tear them down. When I see organizations or people sever relationships with queer folks because of a lack of understanding or some misguided doctrine or belief system, that’s unholy because we tear at the fabric of God’s heart which is about unconditional love.

I don’t want to set up this business of us or them, but I must admit that I get sick and tired of hearing primarily one voice when it comes to faith issues, and it’s a huge voice. United Churches in this part of the country and city bring an alternate voice where issues of faith and belief are concerned. Much of the media, which is conservative in Calgary, for example, don’t go to the United Church of Canada often for responses to faith issues – it’s often the more evangelical conservative viewpoints that prevail. It’s dispiriting in some ways as we look at both newspapers we have in town and they are ridiculously conservative about everything and often violent in their language and in gesture. The United Church has a different message to offer, one of acceptance and love for all people.

I don’t know how many people I’ve talked to that struggle severely with their homosexuality – some have been kicked out of their families, out of what are supposed to be good Christian homes. What do you name as a “good Christian” home? They would kick out their own child? This is not love. Unconditional love – something that Christian folks are supposed to emulate in a big way but often don’t – if we don’t take that seriously, it shows our true colours. I think churches have a hard time getting to the core of that. “Love the sinner, not the sin” kind of BS – bumper-sticker theology. It’s much larger than that. Christianity has a viewpoint. As Christian people, we can talk about what it is and how we believe, but we live in a diverse world and are all creatures of God’s creation. I tend to believe that the Divine works through all people even though our viewpoints may vary. I sense the divine holds all of us together – nobody is excluded. Who you are is who you have been created to be, created in the image of God, and we are created equal. So be who you are, and celebrate that! That doesn’t mean you do that by putting others down.

Dr. Alderson is an associate professor of counselling psychology at the University of Calgary who specializes in gay and lesbian studies. He also maintains a private practice. He can be contacted by confidential email at alderson@ucalgary.ca, or by confidential voice mail at 605-5234.

References:

1) The United Church of Canada. (2007). Quotes from their web pages. Retrieved October 9, 2007 from http://www.united-church.ca