Chris Stedman is an American writer, interfaith activist, and author of the memoir Faitheist. He serves as the assistant humanist chaplain at Harvard University. He was also a former Evangelical Christian who became disillusioned with religion in his teens when he realized he was gay. Chris was recently in town to speak at the University of Calgary.
Unlike a lot of gay men who have turned against the homophobic churches they grew up in, Stedman’s family was non-religious. When he was 11 that changed. Stedman became a born again Christian, largely due to two factors.
"The first is, about a year prior to converting, I started reading books that introduced me to the fact...I lived in a world where people could treat one another in inconceivably cruel and inhuman ways," he describes. "Those books included Roots, Hiroshima, The Diary of Anne Frank."
The books not only told of atrocities, but told them from a personal point of view which filled Stedman with a longing for justice and a desire to understand why people would treat one another this way.
Then, amidst having these crushing existential questions milling about in his head, his parents divorced.
"My family was my sense of stability and support throughout my childhood; as that began to disintegrate I was looking for a place to belong...a community."
The evangelical church he joined seemed to provide this community and appeared to be working toward a just society, but Stedman soon realized it wasn’t as welcoming as it initially seemed. The church was very vocally and vehemently anti-gay – to the point of obsession.
"Homosexuality was referenced in sermons that were otherwise creepily disconnected from that subject...and gay people were demonized," Stedman recalls. This was happening at a point in his life when he was starting to realize that he was gay. He researched what his church’s library had to say about homosexuality.
"There was a whole section dedicated to same sex attraction...these resources said, at best, homosexuality was a sign of youthful waywardness or confusion and, at worst, a sign of demonic possession."
It was a terrifying message for a vulnerable 11-year-old to read.
"I tried following the prescriptions in these materials...how I could rid myself of these attractions through prayer and fasting. I would spend lunch periods in middle school in empty classrooms reading the bible and fasting. It was a really isolating experience and difficult period in my life."
This went on for several years until one day his mother found his journal where he had documented his struggle. She then investigated several Christian churches nearby and found one that had a different perspective on homosexuality. She took her son to speak with the minister.
"This intervention changed the course of my life in a very significant way," Stedman says.
The minister told him many churches held different views on homosexuality and gave him scholarly works where scripture was examined in a historical context. Stedman joined a progressive Christian church and found that welcoming community he needed just as he was starting to come out in high school.
"So, because I had these really positive experiences and I had these Christian ministers who had really helped me out...I decided I wanted to go to school to study religion, thinking I might go into the ministry eventually because I wanted to help people who struggled with issues in the way I had."
Through the process of studying Christianity academically, and being pushed by his professors to critically think about his own beliefs, he realized his faith was never really there. What had been there all along was the desire to be part of a community, a desire for justice, and a desire to make the world a better place.
This crisis and denial of faith presented a whole new struggle.
"So many of the relationships I had built were through the church. I was in a Christian college studying religion and I had all of this pent up anger that I had spent all these years trying to reconcile myself through a tradition, ultimately, I realized I didn’t really believe in."
Relating to Christians became problematic. He could argue the points and scripture in class, but individual conversations were difficult. Stedman’s method of discourse was limited to either debating God’s existence or going into a ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ mode. Eventually he found that approach was limiting; it made it difficult for true exchanges of ideas.
"I decided I wanted to take a different approach to religious differences. That brought me into the work I do today, which is helping to support communities for atheists, agnostics, and non-religious people."
In addition, as an interfaith activist, he works on exploring what are the values that non-religious and religious people share, and conducts constructive discussions on where the disagreements lie.
Though, unlike the US, people don’t usually say publicly bigoted or hateful things to people of other religions or orientation, these disagreements still often occur in Canada. While in Calgary, Stedman had several conversations in which this underlying problem was discussed.
"A lot of people have this attitude of we’re just not going to talk about it – with our disagreements, we’ll try and sweep this under the rug." Stedman believes that not talking about it is just as problematic.
Given the actions of some religious organizations in the US, where they insist they must be allowed to discriminate against gays and view every law extending rights as somehow an attack and erosion of their rights, I asked Stedman if any dialogue is possible.
"A civil dialogue is not always an option. I strive to meet people more than halfway if I can, but there has to be some movement from the other side towards the middle. There has to be some willingness from both sides to listen to the other."
Though a direct conversation with an extremist religious group might not be possible, Stedman never shuts them out. Through his work he has gained allies within moderate Christian communities who then have dialogues with the more extremist Christians on his behalf. These moderates then advocate for LGBTQ people, and other non-theists.
"Because they speak the language of that community, because they are seen as being invested in that community... they are more likely to be heard than I would anyway."
Directly conversing with fundamental Christians can be a challenge for Stedman. He grew up in a family with three siblings where arguing became a competitive sport. For him it is natural to respond to conflict and disagreement with argument. He has learned this isn’t always the best approach, even when the opposing opinion holds dehumanizing views.
Case in point – Stedman recounted how after giving a talk an audience member very nervously approached him and stated he had a demon inside him. Though this angered Stedman he paused. He realized that while her view was harmful, her opinion was coming from a place of concern. After thanking her for her opinion, they went on to have an exchange of ideas about his views and why – through his experiences – it was possible her viewpoint may be harmful.
"She didn’t walk with a totally changed view on homosexuality – I’m pretty sure she left our conversation feeling it was immoral – but what she did get out of that conversation was a human point of reference for that issue. So when she hears people talk about homosexuality in the future, she could no longer think about it as this theoretical, abstract issue...instead it’s an embodied experience, it’s something that’s lived out by a person whose story she’s heard and made some connections with."
This ‘human experience’ is what Chris believes is causing the huge change in favour of LGBTQ rights in Canada and the USA. In an opinion poll he recently read, the number one reason given by people who have changed their opinion on LGBTQ issues was having a personal relationship with someone who is gay or lesbian.
"It is my conviction, based on everything that I have studied about religion and psychology... the best way to change people’s mind on a particular issue is through the context of personal relationships, when they’re given an opportunity to know and understand...someone whose experience of the world is different, and to humanize that perspective in a way you simply can’t do from a distance."
Fundamental Christianity is not the only group to embrace the ‘my way or the highway/all or nothing/ religion is always a problem’ stance. Stedman has observed this attitude among the atheist community as well.
"Part of what is limiting about that approach, it neglects to account for the fact there are very progressive believers who are...reformers, who are trying to move the needles in their community in the direction of justice." We need these allies.
As to what Stedman thinks about people who are on the extremes of both sides of the religious debate being the people who garner the most attention, "...I really thinks that’s a big part of the problem. We live in a world that privileges conflict. Stories of conflict reign and they come to influence the view of religious differences."
We have tiny groups like Westboro Baptist Church making headlines around the world with a tweet. It has become natural for most of us to click a link about a conflict over a story about cooperation.
Rampant religious illiteracy doesn’t help either. People don’t know anything about other religions or belief systems. Couple this with having their views shaped by the media, when a conflict does arise people don’t know how to civilly talk about it in a manner that conveys diversity.
"...these atheist voices, the ones that get the most coverage, that speak the loudest, are the ones that are most conflict oriented. And I think you do have this silent majority of people who want to live a long time and not only co-exist but cooperate with people who hold different views, but don’t feel like their stories are being represented and perhaps feel other people don’t share that view because they’re not seeing that view reflected in the media."
"Anyone who holds that view is not living up to the humanistic principle of believing people can learn more and grow in their awareness of other people."
As a non-theist who thinks it’s unlikely God exists and that ‘He’ will alter the course of human history in any way, Stedman believes if he wants to see progress happen, the world improve, and society change for the better, he has to push for a change to a cooperative method between religious and non-religious people. While the number of non-religious people is growing, the number of actual atheists is still small. This means they have to work with people in other communities, and learn from them; many religions do have a history of promoting social justice and human dignity.
"...there are many people speculating on why [young people are turning their back on religion]. Very few of the religiously unaffiliated are atheists. Only about 12 per cent say that they are. About 70 per cent said they believe in a god or universal spirit. So most of these folks aren’t leaving religions because they no longer believe in God but they are leaving religions. I think, and again it’s speculation until we have more data, but I think many of them are leaving religions because they see religious institutions as too entangled in money and politics."
Stedman thinks there are other factors at play too – people can now change or abandon religions with fewer social consequences, and people are interacting more with others of different religious views and culture. He doesn’t think we’re at the twilight of religious belief; rather we’re in a time of religious transformation.
"I think atheist and agnostics and non-religious people are well positioned now to be able to step into the public square in a way we really haven’t been able to before, and be part of this conversation about religious change and transformation."