You know how sometimes you haven’t heard from somebody in a while and you just kind of assume that they’ve crawled under a rock and disappeared from public life for the good of humanity?

Well, someone’s gone and unearthed Alan Keyes, former presidential candidate and current nutcase, and put a microphone in front of his face because apparently this world just doesn’t have enough crazy in it.

And Keyes doesn’t disappoint.

In an interview with conservative radio host Stan Solomon, Keyes made clear that legalizing marriage for gays and lesbians would inevitably lead to the destruction of civilization, in a very literal way.

I should mention that Keyes has a daughter who identifies as gay, although he identifies her as not existing. Not exactly father of the year material.

Keyes claims that "homosexual rights ... returns us to the dark ages of human oppression.

"The aim is not compassion for homosexuals, respect for homosexuals and all of this, the aim in the mind of these hardheaded, calculating, leftist, Communist, totalitarians is to destroy the family and to establish the notion that once you have seized power there is no limit whatsoever to what you can do," Keyes said.

He’s right, of course. Gay rights are really just the gateway drug of rights. Once gays are considered equal human beings under the law the real agenda is going to be uncovered and by then it will be too late to stop us (insert evil laughter here).

Keyes continues, because apparently he has no filter, "If you want to tolerate abuses then those abuses can be imposed upon the people. Once you establish that, the abuses are then not going to be confined to egregious outrages like this; those abuses are going to be committed against the whole society and they will in the end include the murder of the masses as has occurred in all Communist regimes that existed. That includes as well the expropriation of all property because if you don’t respect the primordial God-endowed belongings that are associated with family life then why on earth would you be constrained to respect any other form of human property claim."

Ah, the slippery slope argument. If gay marriage is legal, well, then anything goes! I think the proper response to Keyes claim here is "no duh and obviously." I mean who doesn’t believe that marriage equality will lead to a Communist regime and "the murder of the masses" and the abandonment of private property laws? Oh, wait, nobody who is sane.

And who is to blame for all of this upheaval? Why, Satan, of course.

"We need to keep in mind that the Devil is not playing, he’s deadly serious about the destruction of America’s character, spiritual nature and the foundations of that way of life," Keyes warned.

In other words, Satan is hell-bent for the destruction of all mankind with the help of his loyal minions, the gays.

But how do we do it? Why, via the Tee Vee, of course.

"All of that is being destroyed and a key vehicle for doing that is what you might call the popular culture of entertainment: music, television shows, movies," Keyes claims. "I’ve noticed for instance that every form of entertainment now is being programmed to promote the acceptance of homosexuality, every form of it."

In other words, Keyes sees homosexuality everywhere he looks and he can’t stop obsessing over it. But somehow gays are the ones with the problem.