It’s okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.

That’s the overall aim of invalidation: to rationalize and justify treating someone as less than human, or at least disqualifying them from being seen as a "deserving" human.  It’s a pretty clear indicator of when genuine oppression is occurring, and has been used to beat down racial groups, sexual minorities, women, the poor, the unemployed, immigrants, the incarcerated, the disabled, the elderly, youth, sex workers, people of unpopular faiths or traditions, and far more.  Abuse, violence and disenfranchisement are dismissed as okay, because something about an individual’s characteristics can be twisted to seem "deserving" of oppression.

And in our society, it’s still often okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.

A Swedish District Court Judge dismissed primary charges (some lesser charges remained) against a man who brutally beat a woman and ripped off her clothes while intending to rape her, ruling that since she turned out to be transsexual, no rape could have occurred.

It’s okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.

A Nova Scotia man was recently denied health care funding for a hysterectomy - his gynaecologist recommended the procedure after finding polyps, but because he’s transitioning to male, Medical Services Insurance deemed the procedure "unnecessary" because they considered it a part of his transition.

It’s okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.

In India, a case that raises mixed questions about consent also illuminates the fact that trans women can’t press charges for rape (defined as being perpetrated by a man against a woman), and they could instead be charged with engaging in "unnatural sex acts" any time they have sex.

It’s okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.

Also in India, a three-year legal battle over an electoral seat reserved for a woman resulted in the disqualification of the Mayor-elect, since the court deemed that she didn’t qualify.

It’s okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.

In Minneapolis, a woman was attacked outside a bar, and when she was singled out for violence, she stabbed her attacker in self-defence - CeCe McDonald is now serving time in a mens’ prison for manslaughter.

It’s okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.

Lack of police care and attention in collecting evidence and forming a case led to the full acquittal of the accused following the murder of Victoria Carmen White.

It’s okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.

A woman is suing the D.C. police department for housing her with male prisoners.  It didn’t matter that a 2007 D.C. policy mandated that transitioning and transgender detainees be housed separately; it didn’t matter that as a post-operative woman (which is where the law often sets the benchmark), the same policy would recognize her as female; it didn’t matter that trans women face an exceptionally high incidence of rape and sexual harassment in prison.

But our society does not get outraged.  It’s okay if it happens to somebody who’s trans.  After awhile, it becomes a mantra.  After awhile, this seems so commonplace and we become so numbed to it all, that it starts to become a part of our worldview - that this is "just the way it is."  The objective is to isolate the minority; keep it defeated and dejected; keep potential allies from caring.

This is the price of invalidation.  Whether it is our allies or enemies dehumanizing us, or ourselves - we do it to each other, and turn it inward on ourselves because our sense of worth has been damaged - it discourages us from standing up for ourselves.  It makes us feel hopeless.  It tells us that we "might as well not bother" trying to rise above the gutter we’ve been thrown in.

But it’s not okay.

It’s not okay, and it’s changing.  In recent years as advances in trans advocacy have been taking place, as we’ve become more visible and represented in arts, media and culture, we’ve made major strides forward.  But these strides are still vulnerable to that ongoing impulse in our society to invalidate, erase and undermine.  Real and lasting change can’t take place until we’ve confronted this eternal cycle.

This is why it matters when we are misgendered.

This is why it matters when people dismiss our entire identity as though it were a figment of our imagination, or a game, or wilful deception.

This is why words like "tranny" matter - not because of the word itself, but because of the dismissive tone and intent to dehumanize that most often weaponizes it.

This is why it matters when we are not allowed to speak for ourselves, but rather told to be silent while our experiences are interpreted by cis leaders and academics and film directors who present themselves as higher authorities, however well-meaning they might be and however clumsy our initial actions might be.

This is why it matters when a medical diagnosis is used to negate any right we have to speak for ourselves and articulate our experiences.

This is why it matters how invalidation silences (which was the whole point); how cumulative invalidation causes people to give up, withdraw, stop speaking their truths as they understand them; stop showing that their actual narratives are far different from the garish and terrifying caricatures they’re painted with.

This is why it matters when communication breaks down to the point of indifference / rage and people disconnect into a rage brigade vs. "whatever.  Cue the rage brigade in 3... 2... 1..."

This works because we have become used to society invalidating trans people at every step.  It works because the real / not real argument provides excuses, both from outside our various communities and within.

This is why invalidation triggers us.

And why we need to stop doing the same to others.

And why the single most important thing our allies can do is join with us in ending it, working toward the day that these things become just as wrong when the victim is trans as it is when the victim is any other class of person.