It makes me sad that there are LGBT people in America who will vote for Mitt Romney should he get the wet bar of soap that is the Republican nomination. I mean, I understand it. There are some folks who feel like Romney meets their needs. These people are mostly rich. Or dumb. Or both.

Mind you, President Obama hasn’t exactly been perfect on LGBT issues. I don’t blame anyone for feeling disappointed. Especially about his weak stance on marriage equality. But that doesn’t mean voting Republican is the answer.

Especially since Romney’s stance on marriage equality is not weak. In that he is very vocal about his opposition to it. Because you may remember that Romney was the governor of Massachusetts when it became the first state in the country to let gays and lesbians get legally married. And man does Romney want to get that rainbow stain off of his shirt.

Which is why he went out of his way to make clear that he has no love for gay-marrying homos or the people who support them when addressing the fervently anti-gay crowd at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Feb. 10.

"[D]uring my term in office our conservative values also came under attack. Less than a year after I took office the state’s supreme court inexplicably found a right to same-sex marriage in the constitution written by John Adams," he said, pausing for comedic effect. "I presumed he’d be surprised." The crowd laughs heartily at Romney’s stand-up routine. He’s killing! (Although to be clear, CPAC attendees prefer their killing done not with laughter but with guns because of the Second Amendment and Obama’s desire to steal all of their firearms so that they may be powerless to fight against his plans to turn America into a Socialist nightmare where all kids get insurance and rich people pay taxes.)

On a roll, Romney continues: "I fought to have a stay on that decision, then pushed for a marriage amendment to our Constitution. We lost by only one vote in the legislature."

One vote! My goodness. I am not a politician or a campaign manager or a CPACer, but I wonder if it’s a good idea for Romney to be emphasizing the fact that this anti-gay amendment that he pushed for was foiled by so slim a margin. I mean, doesn’t that make him seem, well, ineffective to say the least?

But Romney also reminds folks that he managed to use a rare 1913 anti-interracial marriage law to keep homos from flocking to, and further sullying, Massachusetts. "And I successfully prohibited out- of-state couples from coming to our state to get married and then going home. On my watch, we fought hard and prevented Massachusetts from becoming the Las Vegas of gay marriage." This receives a lot of applause from the CPAC crowd. Though I have to point out what a disappointment it was to all of the drive through Elvis-themed wedding chapels that began to spring up everywhere to cash in on all of those Boston marriages becoming official. So much wasted capital. And to think Romney says he supports business.

"When I am president, I will defend the Defense of Marriage Act," he continues while the crowd cheers, "and I will fight for an amendment to our Constitution that defines marriage as a relationship between a man and a woman."

Mind you, Romney is promising to do on a national level what he failed to do on a state level. But this makes perfect sense. I mean, if you can’t walk a block then it’s probably time to run a marathon. Anything to increase the distance between himself and the queers.

Homophobes (Internal and External) for Romney 2012.