When gay marriage was still up for debate, many conservative family groups were in firm opposition to the prospect, crying, "think of the children!"  I remember seeing video footage on the news of these groups holding rallies, touting that allowing gay marriage was wrong, that it would destroy the traditional family unit, that it would pollute the minds of children and lure them to homosexuality...and so forth.

While parents took turns on the microphone to share their outrage, their fear, their emotionally-founded reasoning – their children watched from the audience and followed everyone else’s lead, cheering them on.  Clearly they trusted their parents implicitly, and were probably told this was all to keep them safe.  Many of them were far too young to judge for themselves what was right or wrong in an adult situation like this, so they deferred to their parents to know what was best for them and their future.

Meanwhile, as the camera panned across the audience I thought to myself, what if that little girl right there turns out to be lesbian?  What if, later in life, that little boy discovers that he is gay?  What kind of example are their parents setting for them right now?  How damaging would the message of a rally like this be, when those children realize they are this terrible thing that their parents were fighting against?  How sick is it that those parents were working toward denouncing and scuttling the rights of some of their own children?  How will it make those children feel when they realize that their parents, who they trusted completely, had betrayed them and their future right in front of their eyes?

Did any of those thoughts cross the minds of any of those parents?  I guess not.  So who is truly forgetting to "think of the children" here?

Then came the whole kafuffle over gay parenting.  Once again we heard more outcry of "think of the children," we saw more rallies by conservative family groups on the news with renewed fervor.  They touted how gay parents would pressure their children to be gay (as they apparently pressure their own children to be straight), fail to provide male and female role models, and so on.

For the amount of panic this caused, it seemed like straight parents were perhaps a little fearful of becoming outdated – soon to be replaced by newer, shinier models.  If they keep it up, they might be right.  Gay parents do have some intrinsic advantages over certain conservative straight parents: they are equipped to raise both straight and gay children.  Furthermore, in most cases they get to choose when they are ready to take on the responsibility, rather than having parenthood thrust upon them by necessity.

Conservative straight parents can bitch, moan, kick, scream, and resist all they want.  The only way for them not to be left behind is for them to accept there are some new lessons to learn from us "gays" so that they can truly do what’s best for all of their children.

When a baby is on the way, every parent begins to plan.  They come up with contingencies of what to do if the child is a boy or a girl: what to name them, what colour to paint their room, what kind of clothes and toys to buy them, what kind of culture they want to expose them to at an early age.  Sure, gender is a 50/50 shot (well, not quite) that is answered immediately after the baby is born, if not earlier with an ultrasound.  But there’s also a 1 in 10 shot that their child may be homosexual, which won’t be known for many years.

While parents instinctively tailor the treatment of their children to their gender, they need to be mindful about making false heterosexual assumptions when representing human sexuality and its impact on society.  Parents need to realize that their children, and only their children, can identify their own sexuality when the time is right.  They will do this regardless of how you pressure them to be one way or another.  So teaching them about all the possibilities is not going to harm them or push them in the wrong direction; it is only going to prepare them, allow them (and their parents) to think about contingencies.  And when the time comes, they will know how they fit, and they will be ready for a bright future.

The alternative is what we see today, and it is NOT acceptable:  gay and lesbian teens committing suicide because they can’t see a future for themselves.  They come to realize they cannot get around the fact that they are attracted to the same sex, and all of their plans for the heterosexual life their parents promised them go out the window.  It feels like the end of the world, like being stuck in limbo with no way to move forward, and only one escape.  Of course there is a future for them, but their parents have failed catastrophically to prepare them for it.

To make matters worse, some parents also reach an impasse when they discover that their child is gay or lesbian.  They don’t know how to move forward either, and their only escape is to disown their child, pretend as if they are dead or that they never existed, or in extreme cases try to murder them.  None of these reactions are acceptable either, and the way I see it, as adults the fault is entirely theirs – not that their child is gay, but that they failed to prepare for this very real possibility.  (Even so, children are diagnosed with life-altering medical conditions that are impossible for parents to predict, and this is no excuse to throw them away.)

The justification we often hear is that a life of homosexuality is something morally reprehensible, and parents are not prepared to cope with it.  This is backwards logic.  Any child that is deeply betrayed and wounded by their supposedly "morally upstanding" parents, cast out of their home and denied a proper education, is going to live a troubled life, and likely turn their back on the morals and principles that failed them.  It is a self fulfilling prophecy.  Only love, acceptance, and support can guide your child to a healthy and happy lifestyle.

Sadly it is bound to keep happening.  Legislation like Bill 44 allows for children to be thrown forward as human shields to protect parents from what they are afraid to face – dealing with the topic of homosexuality.  Do they realize that the momentum from this fear is driving them to reinforce the wrong defenses?  Do they realize that they are setting themselves up for the very disasters that they fear the most?

Certainly, parents who choose to stand by their gay or lesbian children can still feel lost, like their children are developing in ways that they don’t know how to properly cultivate.  Trying to steer them away from unfamiliar territory is the wrong reaction.  A parent’s job is to prop their children up, not to hold them back.  Children can develop in many ways that go beyond their parents’ realm of experience – it could be in music, art, science, math, or anything else under the sun.  When this happens, a parent must research and seek advice so that they can help their child grow naturally - as much as they need to, in whatever direction they need to - even if they can’t always be the teacher.

So even if parents don’t understand what constitutes typical development for their gay or lesbian child, or how they should handle unfamiliar situations that may arise as a result, there are literally millions of resources that they can consult (this article makes me one such resource, though I recognize I’ve offered little in regards to trans youth - this is not something I have experienced personally).  So all they have to do is ask, or ask around until they know who to ask.

And as far parents from certain family groups are concerned, I have a conclusion that they need to hear, and are derelict in their duty as parents if they ignore:  The evil does not lay in homosexuality itself, but rather in the ignorance, denial, and fear of its existence.  This is what destroys families.  Those who perpetuate this medieval kind of thinking are not truly thinking of the children - they are mostly just thinking of themselves.

Most of the major events that happened last month, happened in Edmonton.  Usually I only drive up once or twice in the period of a month, but this time I needed to make the trip thrice!

The first time was for the Junction’s first anniversary.  Considering how involved this bar is in the community, I have to admit I found the turnout...underwhelming.  Nevertheless I had a good time as I snapped photos, chatted with friends, and made some new ones.  Once the camera was away, I kissed an inflatable lizard, and scrambled to claim spoils from the virtually indestructible piñata that Deb and Tracy hung on stage for one lucky patron to try to whack apart.

Later in the month, I made my second trip to Edmonton with Steve for the Bearbash.  Aside from the usual fur frenzy (you can never have too much of a good thing), this time around they had a charity jock strap auction.  With limited cash, I had to choose very carefully who I bought tickets from, and felt guilty that I had to pass over some friends (I mean jeez, we’re friends with practically all of the 10 contestants).  As it turns out, I was very happy to win Sir Scott’s jock strap.  I went back stage to claim my prize, and came back out with a dazed grin on my face.

We weren’t really prepared for transporting a used jock strap home with us.  The only place I could think to keep it was in the glove compartment of my car, scrunched up and tucked to one side.  That would have been fine if we didn’t take Steve’s sister to West Edmonton Mall the next day...and she hadn’t sat in the front seat...and I hadn’t asked her for my sunglasses.  As the compartment popped open, I could see her pause for a moment.  This was one of those situations where she realized she just shouldn’t ask, wordlessly handed me my sunglasses, and continued on as if she hadn’t seen anything.

The final weekend of August, Steve and I returned to Edmonton for the ISCWR Coronation 36.  We saw some fantastic numbers put on in partnership between the Calgary and Edmonton courts, and by other courts from across the continent.  While Emperor LJ Steele and Empress Dee Luv stepped down from their year long reign, and their standing total of $28,000 was announced, it was also officially revealed that there were no candidates for Emperor or Empress to replace them.  Normally the duty falls through to a past Emperor and a past Empress to volunteer themselves as Regents for the year.  But the ISCWR decided to do something not-so-typical, and took on 3 of each.  So, confusing as it may be, Edmonton now has 3 reigning Regent Emperors (Big Daddy Pump, Jim McBride, Rob BigOnion) and 3 reigning Regent Empresses (Ivanna Diamonds, Leah Way, Marni Gras).  It should be interesting to see how the year will go for the organization with this extended upper house.

Meanwhile in Calgary on the day before the Bearbash, the Backlot hosted their second Drag Queen H20 event put on by the ISCCA, though they faced some unexpected challenges.  With the power out on most of their block, and hoards of electricians working madly in the alleyway, the Backlot rented a generator so that the show could go on.  Daylight faded as the show progressed, making the queens harder targets, and the poor patio gas heater took a further beating despite pleas to avoid hitting it.  Nevertheless, the event raised a total of just under $1000.  Not bad for a drag show in the dark!

Of course the biggest event of this month will already be underway by the time this edition hits the stands: Calgary Pride, and all of the surrounding events like the Pure Pride Dance, the Dyke March, and so on.  Happy Pride, and may much fun be had by all!

Otherwise we have the annual AIDS Walk for Life happening mid September in Calgary, Edmonton, Red Deer, Grande Prairie, and Peace River (sadly Fort MacMurray cancelled the event).  GayCalgary & Edmonton Magazine is proud to be sponsoring all of them.  So don’t just stand there, look for the pledge form on page 32!