Marcus Bachmann and the Christian counseling clinics he owns are not anti-gay. And if you say they are then you’re just an anti-hetero hate crimer. Stop hate criming, gays! So hateful, gays are, about people who are just trying to help them stop being disgusting queers who make Jesus puke.

Thankfully Bachmann, and his presidentially hopeful wife, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, have Brian Fischer, a foremost expert in anti-gay quackery, on their side. Fischer claims that the Bachmanns have "hatred ... directed against them because of their religious beliefs" that borders "on a hate crime. You could also make the point that this bigotry against the Bachmanns is based on their sexual orientation."

Um, yes, I suppose you could argue that. If you must. The logic train stops here, folks. Everybody off.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. "How is it unfair to call Bachmann anti-gay? He called gays "barbarians" and his clinics try to "cure" gay people?

Not so fast. That’s just the liberal news media messing with your mind.

"We have to understand: barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined. Just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to go down that road. That’s what is called the sinful nature. We have a responsibility as parents and as authority figures not to encourage such thoughts and feelings from moving into the action steps," Bachmann "supposedly" said last summer of homosexuals.

He continued, "And let’s face it: what is our culture, what is our public education system doing today? They are giving full, wide-open doors to children, not only giving encouragement to think it but to encourage action steps. That’s why when we understand what truly is the percentage of homosexuals in this country, it is small. But by these open doors, I can see and we are experiencing, that it is starting to increase."

Why "supposedly?" Because Bachmann now claims that the audio recording of these comments, made to the Christian "Point of View" radio show, must have been "doctored."

"I was talking in reference to children. Nothing, nothing to do with homosexuality. That's not my mindset. That's not my belief system. That's not the way I would talk," Bachmann told the Star Tribune.

Get it? He was talking about kids. Totally normal mindset/belief system for a "mental health professional" (self-professed, of course) to have about kids. Not sure what "thoughts and feelings" he was talking about or what he meant by "it" if his statement had "nothing, nothing to do with homosexuality," especially since he seems pretty obsessed with homosexuality. And never mind that he did, in fact, say "homosexuals" in that "doctored" recording.

Speaking of doctors, Bachmann isn’t one. He does, however, own counseling clinics that offer anti-gay reparative therapy. In other words, if you’re a homo they’ll help you pray the gay away for pay. This practice has been renounced by groups like the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association.

An undercover gay activist (Curses! Gays are so tricky!) from Truth Wins Out received "therapy" at Bachmann’s clinic that was supposed to get the gay out of him. His "therapist" said things like, "God designed our eyes to be attracted to the woman's body, to be attracted to everything, to be attracted to her breasts." He also said that "in terms of how God created us, we're all heterosexual."

As the Star Tribune reported, Bachmann said counselors at his clinics follow the wishes of patients and don't force any treatment. See? It’s totally the patient’s fault. You walk in to any reputable clinic and ask for some discredited and dangerous practice and they’ll be all, "Well, if you say so, the customer is always right."

As Bachmann has (not directly) said, "God bless the free market system and god damn the gays."