As a gay parent myself, researching this topic was itself threatening for me. What if the research indicates that overall, gay men are lousy parents in some respects – perhaps that we are irresponsible or that we flaunt our sexuality in front of our children? Do the religious right have sound arguments for suggesting that we are a danger to children? There is an extensive body of research regarding the effect gay men and particularly lesbian women have on childrearing, and consequently, I decided to break this topic into two. This month, I will look at the parenting qualities of lesbian women and gay men, whereas next month, I will explore the impact we have on our children.

How prevalent are gay and lesbian parents, and how many are themselves raising children? Surveys suggest that about 20 percent of lesbian women and 10 percent of gay men are biological parents, [1] while the 2000 U.S. Census revealed that 34 percent of cohabiting female couples and 22 percent of male cohabiting couples had children under age 18 living with them (we cannot conclude that all of these women and men are “lesbian” or “gay,” by the way). Also from the U.S. Census, this compares to 46 percent of heterosexual married couples who are raising children! [2] It is no wonder that two authors recently had a book published called, The Gay Baby Boom, [3] and that other writers have coined the term, “gayby boom,” reflecting a movement by lesbian women and gay men to create families through donor insemination, adoption, and surrogacy. [4]

Current psychological research suggests that heterosexual and homosexual relationships are not essentially different from each other, and as you may have guessed already, a parent’s sexual orientation has no bearing on her or his ability to provide a healthy, nurturing environment. [5] Two researchers conducted a meta-analysis comprised of 18 studies. A meta-analysis provides “an evaluation of information that is as objective as science permits.” [6] Although meta-analysis does not provide conclusive proof for any claim, it does provide the best summary that is available in psychological research. The results of the meta-analysis revealed that there were little differences found between homosexual and heterosexual parents across all measures used in the various studies. [7]

What you may not have already known, however, is that research has suggested that lesbian and gay parents may actually demonstrate certain advantages regarding their childrearing practices and abilities over their heterosexual counterparts! I’ll begin by reviewing lesbian parenting. First of all, no differences have been found regarding the parenting ability between lesbian and heterosexual mothers. [8]

In a literature review of existing research, the authors concluded that lesbian mothers and divorced heterosexual mothers do not differ in self-concept, happiness, overall adjustment, or psychiatric status. [9] In a study comparing 34 lesbian and 47 heterosexual mothers, the former group was more child-oriented in disciplinary techniques. While another study found no differences regarding the quality of the parent-child relationship between the lesbian and heterosexual mothers, [10] a different investigation found that lesbian mothers slapped their children less and engaged more often in imaginative and domestic play compared to heterosexual mothers. [11] Yet another study found that lesbian couples having children were more satisfied with their partner relationship than were couples without children. [12] Research has also shown that lesbian mothers share more equally in childcare and household duties compared to heterosexual couples. [13] Other research suggests that lesbian parents take great pride in raising their children, and they describe their families as “thoughtfully planned, proud, accepting and celebratory of diversity and difference, flexible in gender roles, and as having interesting, supportive, extended kinship networks that included a wide range of positive role models for their children.” [14]

In studies where children were born to the lesbian couple (planned lesbian families), the parent-child relationship has been found to be better than in heterosexual families. [15] In a longitudinal study of planned lesbian families in the U.S., the mothers have limited their children’s exposure to homophobia, and they have taught their children to deal with harassment in a healthy manner. [16] Another interesting finding from this longitudinal study was that the lesbian mothers used alcohol and cigarettes at a remarkably lower rate compared to the U.S. population averages for women, reflecting their sensitivity to raising children in a healthy environment.

The number of studies examining gay fathers is much more limited compared to lesbian mothers, and consequently, the findings are considered less conclusive at present. However, the available research suggests that gay men are as fit to parent as are heterosexual men. [17] Not only that, we may also have some advantages over heterosexual fathers! In a recently completed dissertation, for example, 33 gay and 31 heterosexual adoptive fathers – parenting 90 adoptive children aged 3 to 11 years old – were compared regarding parenting characteristics. Although the heterosexual fathers had greater self-confidence, the gay fathers reported more available instrumental support. The author concluded that openly gay men choosing to adopt fare as well if not better as adoptive fathers compared to heterosexual men. [18]

A noted scholar suggested that gay fathers do not promote traditional masculine role development in their sons, and instead offer role models of gender-role androgyny. Androgynous individuals are more accepting of others, of their own sexuality and that of others, and they also hold less traditional views regarding masculinity and femininity. In this regard, gay fathers, in being more androgynous as well as having a homosexual orientation, are less likely than heterosexual fathers to hold hegemonic views of masculinity and pass these on to their children. When gay fathers disclose their sexual orientation to their children, they help them learn the importance of tolerance for others. Research has suggested that gay fathers are more in tune with children’s needs, they are more nurturant in providing caregiving, and they are less traditional than heterosexual fathers in their view of what children need. Gay fathers are repeatedly described in studies as having warm and positive relationships with their children. [19]

Both gay fathers and non-gay fathers have similar desires to have children, and they are similar in most respects. Gay fathers provide stable and highly structured environments for their children, and they tend to be stricter in parenting style than heterosexual fathers. However, they often adopt an authoritative parenting style, one in which they create reasonable limits on their children’s behaviour while providing them choices. [20] Gay fathers also appear to demonstrate more emotional expressiveness and rely less upon traditional sex-role behaviours in parenting their children compared to heterosexual fathers. [21]

We have known for some time that most men who fathered children within a heterosexual relationship do not do so while identifying as gay. Instead, they procreated in good faith, meaning that they were either not aware or not accepting of their homosexual orientation. [22] Despite the finding that most gay fathers enjoy a positive relationship with their children, most do not have custody of them. Daughters tend to be more accepting of their dad’s homosexuality than sons, but overall the research suggests that children love both their lesbian mothers and their gay fathers, and their adjustment to accepting their sexuality is not highly problematic. Overall, we know that gay fathers are also highly committed to parenting their offspring, and they do not intentionally harm them in the process.

In conclusion, lesbian mothers and gay fathers are generally well equipped to parent their own and their mate’s biological children. They offer some advantages in their parenting style over heterosexual parents, and research has not suggested that there are any shortfalls in their parenting ability. Whether this results in positive gains or negative consequences for the children themselves, however, is the topic for next month’s Queer Quest column.

Dr. Alderson is an assistant professor of counselling psychology at the University of Calgary who specializes in gay and lesbian studies. He also maintains a private practice. He can be contacted by confidential email at alderson@ucalgary.ca, or by confidential voice mail at (403) 605-5234.

References:

1) Tasker, F. (2005). Lesbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children: A review. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 26(3), 224 240.

2) Herek, G. M. (2006). Legal recognition of same sex relationships in the United States: A social science perspective. American Psychologist, 61(6), 607 621.

3) Johnson, S. M., & O’Connor, E. (2002). The gay baby boom: The psychology of gay parenthood. New York: New York University Press.

4) Ryan, D., & Martin, A. (2000). Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender parents in the school systems. School Psychology Review, 29, 207 216.

5) Herek (2006).

6) Allen, M., & Burrell, N. (1996). Comparing the impact of homosexual and heterosexual parents on children: Meta analysis of existing research. Journal of Homosexuality, 32(2), 19 35 [quote from p. 23].

7) Ibid.

8) Herek (2006).

9) Bos, H. M. W., van Balen, F., & van den Boom, D. C. (2005). Lesbian families and family functioning: An overview. Patient Education and Counseling, 59(3), 263 275.

10) Ibid.

11) Tasker (2005).

12) Bos et al. (2005).

13) Gartrell, N., Rodas, C., Deck, A., Peyser, H., & Banks, A. (2006). The USA National Lesbian Family Study: Interviews with mothers of 10 year olds. Feminism & Psychology, 16(2), 175 192.

14) Perlesz, A., & McNair, R. (2004). Lesbian parenting: Insiders’ voices. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 25(3), 129 140 [quote from Internet abstract].

15) Bos et al. (2005).

16) Gartrell et al. (2006).

17) Herek (2006).

18) Lichtanski, K. (2004). A comparison of adoptive gay and adoptive heterosexual fathers: Differences in their perception of parenting abilities, level of parental stress, style of parenting, and available social support. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering. Vol 65(5 B), 2004, pp. 2635.

19) Bigner, J. J. (1999). Raising our sons: Gay men as fathers. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services: Issues in Practice, Policy & Research, 10(1), 61 77.

20) Ibid.

21) Ibid.

22) Miller, B. (1979). Gay fathers and their children. Family Coordinator, 28(4), 544-552..