From my view on the gay side of the fence, it has often seemed like the GLBT+ community has gone on doing what they’ve always done, waiting for straight people to get caught up with us. But this month it became very clear to me that GLBT culture has been changing too, and indeed we still have a few lessons to learn ourselves.
GLBT individuals have been seriously wronged throughout history by the dominant heterosexual culture, where this behaviour toward people who were different in certain ways was accepted as justified, even expected. In reaction to this, gay people who valued their safety, but still desired to be themselves, were compelled to live their lives secretively in underground isolation where a unique subculture developed. Metaphorically we put up a wall between us and the straight community in order to protect ourselves. If a straight person were discovered amongst us during these times, we might have panicked that we had been discovered, dispersed as quickly as possible and known that it would not be safe to assemble again at this location for some time.
Contrast that to today, where we see straight people joining us at gay bars and willingly participating in our culture. A few days prior to me writing this article, I was in Edmonton to witness the step down of Empress 33 Marni Gras of the Imperial Sovereign Court of the Wild Rose – a straight man, dressing in drag, and serving as a public figurehead for a gay organization. At the beginning of her reign she faced some harsh criticism from members of the gay community, all of whom, she was happy to report, had come around since then. During her year as Empress, she shattered all previous fundraising records for the Edmonton Court, raising $35,000 dollars for her charities: the NICU unit at the Royal Alexandra Hospital, the University of Alberta AIDS Research Centre, and Camp fYrefly.
Truthfully I believe heterosexual people would not have enacted these terrible things on us without the presence of a culture that condoned it. Examples like Marni Gras show us beyond a doubt that straight culture is changing. The straight allies of today may just be the spray before the flood.
But don’t forget, we are changing too, and perhaps experiencing just as many growing pains as straight culture. For older generations, it is difficult to break the habit of concealing ourselves and our culture from the straight community. So when these straight allies come along with a genuine interest in us that we’ve never experiences before, it may raise suspicion – are they really able to accept us, or is this just a Trojan horse to hurt us yet again?
So while straight culture is shifting toward learning and understanding us, at the same time we are shifting toward opening ourselves to them – tearing down that metaphorical wall that we put up to protect ourselves years ago. They can move no faster and no further than what we are willing to give them, and we are only willing to give them as much as we are comfortable revealing about ourselves. So progress happens in little steps, and eventually we will meet half way.
After pushing so hard for straight culture to change, to teach straight people about ourselves and our culture, and why it is not right to hate us, belittle us, or discriminate against us, I notice we often forget that we’re not the only ones with a lesson to teach. Our straight allies have a lot to offer, and a lot to teach us also. Marni Gras certainly showed the Edmonton Court a new trick or two when it came to fundraising. Not only that, but she brought a greater awareness of the group in government and in mainstream media. So straight allies are powerful catalysts toward bringing knowledge and understanding across the barriers that still exist between GLBT and straight cultures.
At the AIDS Calgary Annual General Meeting this month, we were treated to a speaker from the Sheldon M. Chumir foundation - an organization that advocates for human rights, and certainly an ally to our community’s causes. Among the many interesting things she had to say about the delicate process of making these advances, she also spoke of one of the common pitfalls for minorities that often damage their own cause: overcompensation.
Compensation is being granted the equality and respect that we deserve. Overcompensation is feeling entitled to give the straight community a taste of their own medicine, to make them experience firsthand the kind of hatred, ridicule, and discrimination that gay people have gone through. This is a problem that we have reported on in the past happening right here in Calgary, the idea of reverse discrimination and retaliation toward the straight community, in revenge for past wrongs.
For instance, if a gay bar or other public venue were to charge cover only for straight people (assuming you can judge with 100% accuracy who is gay or straight just by looking at them – a unique and freakish ability to say the least), or outright refuse straight people entry, this would be an example of discrimination in that it is designed to penalize, tax, or discourage someone based on their sexual orientation. The truly homophobic straight people that such a gay bar might be out to teach a lesson probably wouldn’t come out to a gay bar in the first place. Such a policy would mostly be hurting our straight allies...and they may take that message back to their culture: “gay people feel it is okay to discriminate based on sexual orientation, so how can they criticize straight people for doing the same in the past.”
It’s easy to see how such actions can put us back. As the kindergarten saying goes, “two wrongs don’t make a right”. The law can help us gain equality, it can decide how those who have wronged us can be fairly punished. But despite the injustices some of us and our predecessors have suffered, we cannot be elevated above the law to dole out our own punishment. If we had that kind of power, we would unfailingly go too far with it, and create new wrongs in others that would in turn catch up to us someday.
So let’s not become the very thing that we are fighting against. The temptation is there, but we must not let ourselves become Gay Supremacists, Heterophobes, or Straight Haters. Let’s not follow personal or business practices that work to segregate ourselves, and not implement policies that we would object to seeing mirrored in the straight world – i.e. “gay dollars only for gay businesses” as was brought up in other news this month. When straight individuals make a step in the right direction, even a small one, we should be commending them for it and not throwing it back in their face. In return, we should hope to receive similar reassurance the more we share.
Marni Gras, during the cheque presentation ceremony at the Edmonton Coronation, reminded us that “sick babies are not a problem faced only by straight people, nor is AIDS a problem faced only by gay people.” During her final step-down, she brought her son Alex onstage, the one of her two premature-born sons that survived. Though I’m gay and may never have a child of my own, I was unable to contain the deep sympathy I felt for her, as I’m sure was the case with every single member of the audience there that night: Drag Queens and Leather Men from all over Canada, Marni’s wife, and a number of straight couples (I inferred from seeing some kiss) – all brought together for something or someone they cared about, and all sharing that same powerful sentiment.
Yes, we in the GLBT community have come a long way, but straight people have too. So when you go out to celebrate Pride this month, I hope you invite all of the straight people who have been allies to you, because this celebration is as much theirs as it is yours.
Upcoming Events
Here’s a brief list of major upcoming events in Alberta this month:
• Calgary Pride Dance – Sep 5th
• Calgary Pride Parade / Street Festival – Sep 6th
• AFQOL: Cut-a-Thon (Calgary) – Sep 7th
• Aids Calgary Walk for Life – Sep 20th
• HIV Edmonton Walk for Life – Sep 20th
• Great Chili Cook-off (Calgary) – Sep 20th
• Calgary International Film Festival – Sep 25th to Oct 4th

For more information about these events and others, visit our online events calendar at www.gaycalgary.com/events, or peruse our business directory on page 17 of this magazine.
We would also like to congratulate PLAY Nightclub in Edmonton on their first anniversary this month – it’s almost surprising that the club is so young considering all that they’ve been doing for the community.
That’s it from me for this month, leaving Calgary with the hopes that you have a safe and happy Pride.

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