Dear GayCalgary,
I hold precious membership to a few select groups.
I am a Canadian Citizen, a resident of Alberta, and a 20 something year old, living as an openly gay man in Calgary, and I’ve got a few things to say to all your readers. Gay, Straight, Bisexual, Trans, Two Spirited- as long as you’re literate, this message is for you.
Mother Nature has turned up the thermostat, and as the sun worshippers work towards melanoma and the beaches become a crowded Mecca for all sorts of adventures, we in the gay community know that Pride season is approaching. Whether or not the impending floats and festivities will be met with friendly faces or a fight is not my concern, as I know it will be welcomed by both.
My message is one of encouragement. A message of inclusion and introspection, a message that needs to be voiced, and most hopefully, received.
Sure, I want a wedding. Not because I want to spit on a tradition that has been sacred for so many years, but because if I feel like spending an exorbitant amount of money on a cake with two little men on top, I have the right to. I also want to know that when the man I love is on his death bed, I will be in control of his final care.
Oh, and to all the defenders of the ‘traditional definition of marriage’, I suggest their current legal joining be dissolved, and straight men can acquire their women the old fashioned, traditional way-purchase them from their fathers.
However, this is not about the marriage issue, but rather the interesting double standard that gays are creating for ourselves.
We want the same rights, and the same privileges as the straights, but we are consistently enforcing that we are not the same, and that we should be treated differently. For a group of people who are fighting for normalcy, who constantly fight for the equal rights enjoyed by our straight brethren, we homos certainly place ourselves on a pedestal, which as history shows, is very easy to be knocked off of.
I come from a home where once you walk in the door, you leave the outside world behind. No matter who I am, my family accepts me, and looks beyond my sexuality. In my future, when my sisters have their beautiful families, I won’t be gay Uncle Tyler, just Uncle Tyler, the best uncle we could ever hope for - and oh yah, his husband (Insert love of my life’s name here) is awesome too.”
In the end, that’s what all of us want - all of us, from the butch lesbians to the flamboyant gays. From the m2f’s to the f2m’s. From the muscle boys to the twinks, and from the boy girls to the lipstick lesbians. We all just want to be seen for who we are: painters, writers, doctors, moms, dads, brothers, sisters, friends, coworkers, you know, fellow human beings.
Then why is it, that instead of celebrating how we are alike, how we, as all humans do, have hopes and dreams, the capacity for love, and the need for companionship, we celebrate and exonerate the one difference that sets us apart - the way we have sex.
Pride has become an excuse to be overtly sexual, over the top, and obnoxious. If a straight man were to wander down the streets in his underwear, or if a straight woman were to expose her breasts down centre street, they would surely be arrested. There are so many more beautiful things that we can be proud of, than an in your face, “I’m here, I’m queer, get used to it,” attitude.
How about, “I’m here, nice to meet you, and oh yes I happen to be queer.” We live in one of the few countries on earth where our love is legally recognized as equal to the love shown by our parents. We are protected against discrimination by our government, instead of hunted down and killed like our GLBT family around the world. We should be proud of how far we have come, and hopeful for the journey that we have ahead of us. I am proud of my parents and sisters, for showing the world that the love of a family overcomes all. I am proud that I can write a letter like this, and there is an outlet for an opinion. I am proud to call Canada my home.
I recognize that pride, at one point, served a very important purpose. In the oppressive and violent past that the gay community has lived through, it was essential to show that we were everywhere, and that we weren’t going anywhere. The American psychiatric association removed homosexuality from its list of mental illnesses long ago, and now that we are popping up everywhere from TV, to sports, and in movies; society, for the most part, knows we are not a few bad apples, we’re just a different type of fruit (I’m sorry, I had to).
It’s time for Pride to grow, just like we all have. I welcome this year’s pride season with open arms, knowing that I will celebrate the love that I have in my life, and the freedoms that I enjoy. I know we humans do not change overnight. I accept this. However, I pray that this string of thoughts from a naïve young man, will resonate with at least one person, or might just make someone realize, that gays really aren’t all that bad.
To my leather clad bears, and my butch lesbians, to my drag queens and gender queers - to my friends: You are worthy of living outside of your stereotypes. Show Calgary you are more than your label.
I was inspired to write this, after hearing a story from my friend Pam. Pam is a lesbian, who, with her girlfriend and children in tow, attended last year’s Calgary Pride festivities. Pam’s six year old daughter had a sign that read, ‘I love my two mommies’.
She had her picture taken, and was promised it would be in the paper the next day. When that paper was printed, the cover instead showed a gentleman suited in a vibrant pink tutu, rather than the six year old that was proud of her moms.
I hope that this year, after all is said and done, Pride is remembered less as a wild, crazy, booze fueled party, and more as a celebration of how far we’ve come.
Tyler Faulds
Dear Editor,
I just wanted to send a quick note expressing my profound gratitude to Janie Van Santen, Rodeo Director 2009 CRIR - ARGRA for her assistance and consideration during the 2009 Rodeo.
My partner and I had an unfortunate incident with the locals. Our front windshield was smashed out during a baseball game. I wish I could write to say that I didn’t feel that the incident was unintentional. I wish I could write saying that the local baseball team apologized, expressed concern or even a small amount of empathy. I wish that I could say that the team members were not high-fiving each other, that they were not laughing, or that they were not calling us “fags”. I also wish I could write expressing how our group was unaffected by the regular, early morning taunts and name calling. How each morning, we were told to “F-off” and “go home you F-ing Fags”. It almost became 7:00 am notice that we should be making our way to bed. :)
In no way am I attempting to indicate how much of a victim I was, nor how discriminated we were, or even how bad it was, especially knowing that this year marks the 40th anniversary of Stonewall. I would, however, like to say that this experience was my first time to feel a true public distain for my friends and myself, based solely on our sexual orientation. I must admit, it shook me up for the first couple of days.
The volunteers at the event were, however, great, specifically Billy. He came out to our relocated camp, which was at the end of “Trashy Trail”, at the far end of the grounds, by a lonely grouping of trees, which we called “Trashy Town”... yes we were the group making all the noise, but I digress. Billy was extremely sympathetic and Janie was, well, amazing. Truly!! She was very sweet, kind and very classy. Janie was classy enough to insist that ARGRA pay to replace my windshield, which they did.
The lessons that I learned from the experience was how important our volunteers, like Billy and Janie, are to events like the CRIR Rodeo. How important it is for us to support them, and how important it is for us to support each other. I had an amazing time at the Rodeo, as did everyone located in “Trashy Town”, all because of people like Billy & Janie, and for that I’m forever grateful. Would I go back to Strathmore next year, in a field of dust, sheep poop, and hostile locals??? Hell yes!!! I just won’t be parking anywhere near a baseball field.
Sincerely,
Smashed In Strathmore
S&M
