Fathers all over Canada will be celebrated on June 21st, as Father’s Day rolls around again this year. And joining in on this day will be the gay, bisexual, Trans, and questioning members of Calgary Gay Fathers.
Initiated in the early 1980’s, Calgary Gay Fathers consisted of an informal group of gay fathers offering to support one another. Today, Darrell Taylor and his husband Neil Dustan, fathers themselves, dedicate their time and energy to make sure this group continues to thrive as a phenomenal social network and support for those in need.
Current members are thankful for this group.
George Wilson is a father. He is a Scout Leader who believes that he has a moral responsibility to his son to be a dedicated Dad. Nonetheless being a gay single father is not easy. Dating in Calgary is difficult as many gay men do not want kids, and it is also a constant challenge dealing with the public. Wilson notices how people perceive him as a single gay father. It is so much more common to see single mothers, and he believes that people like him are judged more harshly as a result. Being gay only accentuates the alienation.
Wilson found Gay Fathers online. It was that feeling of not being alone, and knowing there was support out there that allowed him to continue being a dedicated father.
Landon Froelich, another member of Calgary Gay Fathers, is also a loving and dedicated dad to two daughters aged 10 and 11. Originally from Prince George, B.C., Froelich became a single father after his divorce from the mother of his children. He realized he was gay, but was afraid to tell his ex-wife for fear of losing his kids. Fortunately, after coming out to his ex-wife, they are now best friends. He regularly talks to his kids and they visit as often as they can.
Froelich found Calgary Fathers after his ex-wife and kids moved back to Prince George, and he too benefited greatly from knowing he wasn’t the only one out there. He realized that “there are different challenges for both gay and straight parents. Being a gay father doesn’t make me different or better, just a father with different facets of life. It is the most frustrating, yet rewarding job I’ll ever do in my life.”
Neil Dustan is also grateful for the support and existence of the group. After his divorce from his wife, he initially felt a huge amount of grief and wanted to develop a network of friends. He was not used to the gay community and had assumptions about how his life was going to end up. Gay Fathers was an essential resource in this process. Now he is happily married to Darrell, the father of three teenage daughters, and organizes the support group.
Calgary Gay Fathers has an active membership of 25 men at any given time, with 100 members on the mailing list. Both Darrell and Neil are amazed at how there has been a gradual change of attitudes throughout the years. Each family is unique, and the characteristics of each member reflect that. There are divorced fathers, adoptive fathers, transgendered fathers, and ex-clergy fathers. People come in and out as needed, and support is always available.
It is easy to sign up as a member of Calgary Gay Fathers - simply check out their website. Once you have created your membership, you are invited to monthly coffee nights and potluck dinners. If you just want to stay in touch with the group via E-mail, that too is welcomed. Members are in good company, with others that know what you are going through - you are definitely not alone.
As Neil Dustan says, “Search for your authentic self, whatever that is, there is support available. Respect yourself and do not settle for less.”
