what gay people need? Exorcisms. It's the only way to get rid of the gay-making
demon lurking in the homosexual soul.
better to do that exorcism than Gordon Klingenschmitt, an ex-Navy chaplain,
booted out of the military for insubordination? After all, he has a great track
record, according to himself.
a chaplain I prayed with a young lesbian sailor who came to me and said,
'Chaplain I don't like the way I'm feeling, can you help me with this?' We
prayed with her," Klingenschmitt said on the David Pakman show Jan. 20.
"She renounced her sin. She invited Jesus Christ to be the first man in
her life that she trusted. We had a wedding ceremony. She wept as Jesus moved
into her heart and got the devil out of her."
sorry, what? You had a wedding ceremony? So this lesbian Navy lady married
Jesus? So does that mean Jesus is officially off the market now? Or do a lot of
ladies marry Jesus and, if so, isn't that polygamy? How, then, is this
all-the-ladies-marry-one-dude scenario not the culmination of so many slippery
slope arguments against marriage equality?
I looked into her eyes I said, 'You foul demon of lesbian homosexuality come
out of this woman in Jesus' name.' She began to weep and said she loved
Jesus," Klingenschmitt continued. "She started reading her Bible, she
was the best evangelist in our church. She got baptized and she started dating
wait. After he exorcised the "foul demon of lesbian homosexuality"
out of her she got baptized and started dating boys? Presumably this woman was
over 18 since she was in the military and all. So I'd think that boys are a little
out of her league. And again, isn't the anti-gay right always going on and on
about how gay people go after children? But it's somehow okay with God when the
adults going after children are ex-gay and married to Jesus?
be over-thinking this.
to say, Klingenschmitt doesn't like the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't
Tell" one bit. It's going to destroy us, he says.
going to lead to a national draft. The number of homosexuals coming in will
never eclipse the mass exodus of Christians leaving the military," he told
when Christians are planning this mass exodus and where they plan on going.
Because so far there's no evidence of Christian soldiers fleeing the
demon-infested homos that the DADT repeal will foist upon the general public.
If they are indeed leaving, they seem to be going pretty quietly.
only that, it's going to cost the blessing of God upon our troops,"
Klingenschmitt continues. Everybody knows that God loves America best and helps
American soldiers kill kill kill. But the tables are turned, he argues.
concerned as a chaplain that America will no longer be able to fight and win
wars because now we're fighting against almighty God, the government has
declared war on God and god will ultimately prevail in that battle."
claims that DADT was a good policy "in that it prevented people from lying
about who they really are." Because homosexuals are, by Klingenschmitt's
definition, a bunch of dirty crooks who think nothing of waking up and declaring
that they're going to be someone else today. Someone gay. Klingenschmitt said
gay men need to "man up" and start being straight and stop acting
then, of course, for our complimentary exorcism: "It's the only spiritual
solution to a spiritual disease," says Klingenschmitt.
exorcism: It's the gift that keeps on giving. Order yours today.