to Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist thugs, everybody knows that God hates
fags. But you know what else God hates? Birds and fish. Because of the fags.
that's what Cindy Jacobs says in a video she posted online Jan. 5.
along with her husband Mike, runs Generals International, a ministry
"devoted to training in prayer and spiritual warfare." She calls
herself a prophet and claims that people are always turning to her for insight
when crazy shit happens.
for instance, that whole alarming incident with the thousands of blackbirds
falling dead out of the sky in Arkansas on New Year's Eve. Spooky. No one knows
why it happened, or why three days later hundreds more blackbirds fell out of
the sky in Louisiana. Or why a few days after that thousands of dead fish
washed up on an Arkansas shore. But Jacobs has a good theory: the gays.
the gays themselves killed the birds and fish, but that God killed the birds
and fish because God was pissed off about gays, specifically the repeal of
"don't ask, don't tell."
to biblical principles, marriage is between a man and a woman, so we have to
say, 'What happens when a nation makes a decision that's against God's
principles?'" she asks while wearing a purple leopard-print jacket.
"Well, often what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us.
And you know there are actually some patterns that you can see where a nation
will make a decision that is contrary to the principles of God and after that
there is some kind of answer that God gives - being the God of creation, the
God who created nature."
problem, however, is that "we don't always understand what he's
saying." Which is where Jacobs comes in: to sort it all out for us and
come to the sanest possible conclusion. Did I mention she calls herself a
talk about this Arkansas pattern and say, could it be a pattern? We're going to
watch and see," she continues. "But the blackbirds fell to the ground
in Beebe, Arkansas. Well the Governor of Arkansas' name is Beebe. And also,
there was something put out of Arkansas called 'don't ask, don't tell' by a
former Governor ... Bill Clinton."
asks if there could be a connection between the Hosea 4 in the Bible, where God
gets pissed at folks in Israel who are killing and stealing and sleeping around
and declares that everyone there is going to waste away and die along with all
of the animals, including "the birds of the air" and "the fish
of the sea."
so," Jacobs asks, "could there be a connection between (Hosea 4) and
now that we've had the repeal of the 'don't ask, don't tell,' where people now
legally in the United States have broken restraints with the Scripture because
the Scripture says in Romans 1 that homosexuality is not allowed?"
could there be? Hey, I don't know, lady. You're the prophet.
could be because we have said it's okay for people who commit these kinds of
acts to be recognized in our military for the first time in our history there
is a potential that there is something that actually happened in the land where
a hundred thousand drum fish died and also where these birds just fell out of
the air," she says.
Because it totally makes sense that God would be all, "I don't want homos
in the United States military! I am so pissed off I could kill a few thousand
birds and some more thousand fish to teach those gays a lesson." And then
school children could look on in horror and vow to never become gay soldiers.