It’s back-to-school time, so let’s get down to basics. While you might not expect to find fisting in the Lesbian Sex 101 curriculum, what could be more basic than putting your fingers in your partner’s vagina? Or in this case, your whole hand.
Contrary to its name, in fisting the balled-up hand isn’t forced past the vaginal (or anal) opening. Rather, it is slowly and gently inserted, and once inside, curled into a ball - hence the term “fisting.”
Those who love fisting speak of the primal connection of having one’s entire hand inside the body of another human being. For emotional intimacy, nothing surpasses fisting, they say. You can feel every ripple and pulsation of your partner’s arousal. Deep inside her body, it feels as if you have the core of her sexual power literally in the palm of your hand.
For women who crave deep penetration, fisting satisfies that need to be completely filled. You can ride every subtle movement of your partner’s hand into an ocean of sensation. You can completely surrender to the overwhelming intensity of being inexorably penetrated. You can have mind-blowing orgasms.
Here are some basic fisting pointers:
Fisting is about desire and trust - you have to want to open fully to your partner.
The receptive partner is in control - even if you are in a BDSM scene, the “bottom” communicates how much, how fast, how intensely those fingers - and finally that hand - can enter.
Snap on a latex glove (which will protect you from STDs) and coat your entire hand with a thick, water-based lube - front and back, up to the wrist. Keep that lube bottle handy; you’ll want to add more as you go. (And if you don’t use a glove, trim your nails!)
Start slow - two fingers, then three. Work your way up to four fingers and then tuck your thumb into the palm of your hand. Try to make your hand as skinny as possible, folding your hand into the shape of a duck’s bill.
Enter her up to the widest part of the hand, with your palm facing the front wall of her vagina and your knuckles facing her tailbone. At this point, move only by millimeters. Talk to your partner - ask her what feels good and what doesn’t. Maintain eye contact. Breathe with her. Connect with her in any way that works for the two of you.
Some women like the circular pressure of a scooping motion on the fully stretched vaginal opening. You may be able to rotate your way inside of her. Or you may be able to push straight in; you’ll feel a “pop,” and your hand will disappear.
What if it hurts? Most likely, if you are about to sink your entire hand into your partner, the pain comes from your knuckles pushing against the ring of muscles at the opening of her vagina. The bones of your hand also may be pressing painfully against her pelvic bones. Back off to three fingers or even two. Add more lube. You might try to enter her from a different angle. Let her take the lead. Vaginal fisting is not supposed to hurt.
And that goes double for anal fisting. Lesbians do fist anally, by the way. It’s a myth that only gay men engage in the sport of handballing - though if you Google “anal fisting,” you’ll have to dig through the resulting 931,000 hits to find any useful information for us. The first time my entire hand vanished inside a woman’s butt, I think I was more shocked than she was. She was a total exhibitionist and demo’d her newfound skill at the local women’s leather group the following week
Felice Newman is a founding publisher of Cleis Press and the author of “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us.” Visit her at www.cleispress.com. Her book is available in Calgary at A Little More Interesting.