My Fair Knightley
It’s only a matter of time before everything old becomes new again. If you live long enough, a remake of your favorite film is inevitable...provided your favorite film isn’t Can’t Stop the Music. Now it’s legendary gay director George Cukor’s turn. His Oscar-winning 1964 film version of the hit stage musical My Fair Lady, a movie that helped solidify Audrey Hepburn’s own legend status, is being remounted. And Eliza Doolittle, the street urchin-turned-fancy-lady by the misogynistic Henry Higgins, is to be played by none other than Atonement star and cultural thin-mint Keira Knightley. Producers Cameron Mackintosh and Duncan Kenworthy (Notting Hill, Four Weddings and a Funeral) are wish-listing Daniel Day Lewis to take on the role made famous by Rex Harrison, but nothing’s settled yet beyond Knightley’s current singing lessons. Time to cue the intro to “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?”
Depp and Burton Cast Dark Shadows
Back in the 1960s, when everything was cooler, a strange little soap opera called Dark Shadows made daytime TV safe for stories about vampires, warlocks, and the undead. That it existed at all is something along the lines of a network television miracle, and the show’s cult following has remained fervent over the ensuing decades. Now, thanks to the nothing-is-ever-weird-enough team of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, that fan base’s creepiest wishes are about to be granted. A Dark Shadows film - to be penned by gay screenwriter and frequent Burton collaborator John August (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) - is in the works. No word on other cast members or start dates, or even which part Depp will play, but it stands to reason that the man who spent the entirety of Sweeney Todd singing while he slashed throats would naturally choose to sink his teeth into the part of the show’s main vampire, Barnabas Collins, right?
Desperate Housewives with Handguns
For queer audiences whose TV tastes lean towards the more brutal charms of The Sopranos than to, say, shows about catty, conniving women in upscale neighborhoods, here comes Suburban Shootout. Based on the British series, the dark comedy concerns a woman who leaves the city for a peaceful life in the suburbs, only to discover that she’s caught in the middle of rival gang war between murderous factions of homicidal, stay-at-home moms. If that doesn’t sound amazing already, the casting clinches it: hilarious and underrated character actor Judy Greer - the sole funny, wise-cracking presence in 27 Dresses- will take the lead. Best of all, it’s coming to HBO, the place where grown-ups go for shows that are too cool (and violent) for the networks.
Noel Coward: A Vintage James Bond
The late Noel Coward did it all: he was a playwright, a poet, a novelist, a composer, a director, and an actor (his turn as “The Witch of Capri” in the unhinged Liz Taylor/Richard Burton “art film” Boom remains one of cinema’s oddest moments). He was also, as it turns out, a World War II spy whose effete, overtly gay behavior was the perfect cover. In other words, his life is a movie waiting to happen. Enter Tina Brown, former editor-in-chief of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker, who plans to turn Coward’s wartime adventures into a film. This counts as the earliest of early pre-production, so there are no casting details yet, but it’ll take someone with a George Clooney level of suavity to bring this legendary sophisticate to life.
Romeo San Vicente does it all, too, and well. He can be reached care of this publication.