I heard from a woman who was freaking out because of the puddle she left after sex. (“Sometimes, not every time, when she puts her fingers in me and hits a certain area, it feels good but it makes me urinate...I am too embarrassed to ask my OB/GYN about it; do you know what it is and what I can do to stop it?”) I didn’t think it was possible that there was a woman left on the planet who hadn’t heard of G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation.
That’s not a comment on the woman who wrote to me - she was sincere in her desire for reassurance and brave to write me. After all, public discussion of G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation is relatively recent. One can only wonder how many women have worried in silence that they were peeing in bed.
Still, a lot of women I hear from are thrilled by their ability to leave their mark. “I like to ejaculate,” wrote one woman. “I mean, I can really flood the bed.”
For many of us, it’s really hot to feel a woman come all over your hand, or to find her spray dripping down your chest. “My lover is a kick-ass ejaculator,” wrote another woman. “Not all the time, but on demand. If I ask her to squirt for me, it usually happens. It’s quick and quiet, and quite arousing. Just at the point of orgasm, she gets very wet, but not normal wet...more like water, and my hand gets kinda prune-ish, like when I’ve been in the bath too long, and then it’s a sudden O, after which there’s a big ol’ wet spot on the sheets. Love it.”
Here’s the 411 on female ejaculation:
Female ejaculate is produced in the paraurethral glands. Ejaculate isn’t urine, though it may contain small traces of it. The clear fluid may also contain vaginal lubrication, cervical mucus, and fluid from the uterus, and it has a similar chemical composition to male ejaculate (minus the sperm).
How much fluid is ejaculated varies from woman to woman. Some women spurt streams of ejaculate into the air. Others leave a pie-sized puddle on the sheets. The amount of lubrication we produce is quite individual and is affected by menstrual cycle, age, health conditions, and even medications like antihistamines. You can reassure yourself that you really are ejaculating by urinating just before sex.
Some women experience a gush of wetness right before orgasm. For others, ejaculation and orgasm are separate phenomena. Ejaculation may bring with it a pleasurable feeling of release with that nice big spray - but not the same level of intensity as other orgasms. This may or may not feel satisfying.
Much has been written lately about “G-spot orgasms” - orgasms resulting from G-spot stimulation and accompanied by ejaculation. Some women ejaculate with G-spot stimulation. Some ejaculate without any penetration at all. Others simply don’t ejaculate.
How can you learn to ejaculate? You can explore your urethral sponge or G-spot with a firm, curved dildo or your fingers (particularly if you have long arms or a short torso or are particularly flexible). Make sure you’re well aroused. Insert your fingers or dildo, aiming for the front (anterior) wall of the vagina. Stroke this area with a “come hither” motion. If you use your fingers, you’ll feel the difference in texture between this area, which is rough, and the rest of the vaginal walls, which are smooth. Some women like to stimulate the opening of the vagina just below the urethra. You can also press down on your pelvis with your free hand, applying pressure just above the pubic bone. Stimulate your G-spot until you feel intensely turned on and like you’re about to pee. As you approach orgasm, push out.
Once you’ve tried it, you might feel like the woman who wrote, “Trust me, it’s damn hot! And, when I first helped my girlfriend to do it, I felt like I won the Olympic gold medal in Girl Sex!”
Felice Newman is a founding publisher of Cleis Press and the author of “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us.” Visit her at www.cleispress.com. Her book is also available in Calgary at A Little More Interesting.